Frustration (Amneris)

[kayla]

Jeyna was frustrated. Actually, the blue Rider was pretty sure that "frustrated" was an understatement, but there did not seem to be any better word - or she couldn't think of it if there was. Twice in a row, her Ragoth had lost a flight to K'dyn's Ortath, and while her own blue might have been a close second, second was really not working for either Dragon or Rider.

Jeyna herself had been able, rather easily, to find one of her favorite women in the lower caverns for solace. Her own sexual frustration eased, her dragon's was rather... heightened. And she knew that when the frustration eased off, the depression would come to the fore. Ragoth would definitely be receiving some extra attention from his Rider for the next few days, if not sevendays.

Her own expression was a reflection of how she felt from her Dragon. Her normal smile was replaced with a scowl and a deep frown. Jeyna was not quite storming as she walked into the weyrhall, but the runner's tread was far from light, and if it was not for the fact that she was hungry, she would probably have been found out running, despite the cold.

Even her clothing was different. Most of the time, Jeyna was not a peacock, but she definitely chose clothing that flattered her, showing off her form. Today, she wore baggy pants and a loose shirt, and her hair was disheveled in a less than purposeful way.

[hrsegrl]

Amneris hadn't been this hungry in, well, ever! She was ravenous. The smell of the Weyrhall nearly undid her. Drills were kicking her thin framed body into shape, though she was still lacking in the muscl e department. She was more and more hungry lately, which suggested she might be going throuhg a growth spurt. Amneris hoped not. She hoped it was just drills.

She was on her way to Weyrling tables and wasn't paying much attention to where she was going. In fact she walked right into someone. She backed up immediately. "I'm sorry, I wasn't look..." Amneris broke off that line of speech when she realized who it was.

"Jeyna!" She said, with a tinge of excitement at knowing the person she ran into. "Are you alright?" The Weyrling wasn't sure that the bluerider was herself. She just hoped nothing was seriously wrong. Jeyna didn't look herself. She definately looked slightly out of sorts. Ragoth might not be well or something? She doubted the blue rider would leave Ragoth if he wasn't well.

[kayla]

Jeyna was about to snap at whoever had walked into her, when she heard Amneris' voice and quickly calmed down. She knew it was not the young woman's fault that she was in such a state. Though, for the first time since the two had really started to become friends, Jeyna fully realized that 'Neris was a Green Rider. She'd never really forgotten it, but she'd not been completely aware of what all that meant for a while.

That was when Amneris' tone of voice changed and she said her name with excitement that even a frustrated Jeyna could not miss, and then was the concern. "I'm fine. My pride is a little wounded, but I'm fine. Ragoth on the other hand... is extremely frustrated." The dragon was physically fine and Jeyna had been too hungry not to eat.

The full realization that Amneris was a Greenie unsettled the Blue. Even more so was the fact that Jeyna knew how innocent and inexperienced Neris was, since she had just recently explained the entire monthly bleeding thing to the young woman. With those two elements, Jeyna was hesitant to explain what was wrong to her. "You should go eat with your clutchmates, 'Neris." Jeyna's voice was gruff, "I'm not much company right now."

[hrsegrl]

That was all very vague. Amneris knew it had to be something with Ragoth and she was right but she wasn't sure what it was. It didn't look like Jeyna was up for telling her right now either. "Frustrated dragons are hard to deal with." Actually dragons were hard to deal with when their emotions got out of control. Whether it be frustration or not.

Labeth was listening to her, slightly amused. You are silly. Walking into people. I never walk into things. I'll admit it openly, you have more grace than I do. You just don't pay attention. Do you think Ragoth is okay, Labeth? Jeyna's not really herself right now. I am sure they are fine... The green said it dully, she didn't dislike Ragoth and Jeyna she just felt left out. She had not met Ragoth and felt uncomfortable discussing him when she did not know him.

"Oh them?" She looked over to see only a few people at the Weyrling tables. She knew most of them, but she saw them every day. "I'd rather sit with you, I see them all the time." Besides she really didn't think Jeyna needed to be alone right now.

[kayla]

Jeyna sighed. It wasn't that she did not appreciate Amneris' company. It was more that she knew how close she was to snapping. How easy it would be to say or do something that would hurt Amneris, despite the fact that it was not her fault and had nothing to do with her at all, "Fine, 'Neris. I enjoy your company, but understand, I'm on edge right now. I don't want to say or do anything to hurt you, but try to understand, there's a frustrated and hurting Dragon in my head right now."

She offered the young woman a weak smile and then guided her over to Triveni Tables, making it clear that 'Neris was there with her and that no one would give her a hard time.

"So how is your Labeth doing? Training going well?"

[hrsegrl]

She had never seen Jeyna so melancholy. Amneris almost felt bad for pressing her company on the Bluerider. "I understand. You've seen me through some difficult situations. I would like to try to help you in return." Amneris had no idea what was wrong but she wanted the other Jeyna back.

Amneris waited to sit down before answering Jeyna. "Labeth is doing very well. In fact she was just commenting on how clumsy I am and how she isn't. " The dragon was a littel full of herself, but then so was Amneris. "Training is killing me, slowly. I'm famished..." The green Weyrling began to load up her plate with food as the table was set for dining. Her stomach made a slight noise, and she rolled her eyes.

"I feel like I'm going through another growth spurt." The Weyrling didn't want to be any taller, she was already quite tall enough. Besides she was too thin to grow any taller...she'd be even, thinner. There'd be nothing left. She realized she was talking only about herself again. Jeyna was the one not herself today and she personally wanted to know what was bothering her.

"You know, whatever is bothering Ragoth and yourself, you can tell me. I feel that I could tell you anything and as we are friends, you should feel the same." Otherwise it was a bit one sided. Amneris couldn't always load her problems onto Jeyna and not let Jeyna do the same.

[kayla]

Jeyna was more than glad to listen to Amneris. In fact, she had hoped that her avoidance had worked and that 'Neris would be content to provide a distraction from what was bothering her. Unfortunately, the Greenie was not that easily distracted herself.

While she had listened to her, Jeyna had filled her own plate, though as hungry as she was, she did not quite dig into it with anything resembling voracity. "You get much taller, and I'm going to have to start looking up to you." Jeyna wasn't short, but Amneris was already eye to eye with her.

She sighed when Amneris pulled the conversation back to Jeyna. "Ragoth lost another flight. I guess it wouldn't be so bad except that he was so close. And he came in second again, to the same Brown." Right now, K'dyn was the last person that Jeyna wanted to see. It wasn't that she felt any hostility towards him, but rather that Ragoth did feel some serious hostility towards Ortath. "He's frustrated, feeling a bit rejected - though to be honest, that's probably more me thats rejected than Ragoth. What he gets for chosing a woman, I suppose."

Few understood how difficult it was to ride Blue as a woman. Jeyna liked being different, but she absolutely did not love all the complications that came with it.

[hrsegrl]

"Well my dad is tall, about six foot five." Her mother wasn't short but Amneris was already as tall if not taller than she knew her mother to be. Her father was someone she really admired. He worked hard all day and then found time to be with family after that. She just hoped she didn't get nearly that tall.

Neris had no real knowledge of flights. They had not gone over them in Weyrling training just yet. Still she did understand what they were. "Oh but I didn't think the rider had much say in flights. So it wouldn't just be that the rider wasn't into the other rider. Maybe this brown just got lucky a couple times." She personally didn't like what this had done to her friend. "That is possible isn't it?" She looked a little confused on how flights were won.

"Ragoth would never want anyone but you." Amneris said, as wise as she could be."No one would wish you to be a man. Your perfect the way you are." Her sage like advice was coming to an end though.

"Most greenriders won't care that your a woman, I'm certain." If they did, well that was their loss. Amneris didn't really understand where that thought came from. She was feeling a bit well, it wasn't something she could explain. Amneris felt oddly jealous of the other greenriders.They aren't as pretty as me.The green was refferring to the other green dragons. You are right, they aren't. Not that her rider was at all biased.

Amneris had devoured most of what was on her plate and began to eat a roll. Absently she wondered if there were any bubbly pies about. Sweets were looking more and more appealing right now.

[kayla]

Jeyna sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, not a gesture she normally did, but she was frustrated, on edge, and not sure how or what to tell Amneris. "No, it was a choice. Ragoth and the other dragon were both right there. The Brown was chosen." That much was absolutely certain, the Green could have been had by either, and she chose the Brown.

She sighed and took a bite of the meat, using that to give her a moment to think before looking at Amneris. "Sometimes its the Rider who makes the determination, sometimes the dragon, but its rarely just chance. If the Rider has any preference, the Dragon usually - but not always - goes with what the Rider wants. Its not a guarantee, and for that to work the Dragon of who the Rider chooses needsto have done his part to keep up and be there when the choice is ultimately made. Any number of things can prevent that."

Jeyna chuckled slightly, "I know Ragoth wouldn't want anyone else, and I wouldn't want a different Dragon, but sometimes I even wish I was a man. Not in any lasting permanent way, but sometimes its frustrating. And, 'Neris, I'm far from perfect."

When Amneris suggested that most Green Riders wouldn't care that she's a woman, Jeyna had to laugh. "Oh, I wish that were true. You have no idea how many times Ragoth has won when the Rider didn't have a preference, only for me to get soundly kicked out the next morning, for no reason other than I have breasts." Well, it'd only happened a couple of times, but it had happened.

She shook her head, "Same sex sex is accepted in the weyr, but two women is a lot more rare than two men. And for the most part, the kind of men I'd like tend to prefer to be with men." Jeyna shrugged, "Its not that I suffer, so much that Ragoth does. That's the part I feel badly about."

She took a deep breath and took another bit, surprised to find she'd finished eating. "Why don't we see if there's any dessert?"

[hrsegrl]

"I see..." Jeyna was certainly upset about this. Amneris didn't see why that green was so important. Was it just because the brown was chosen or because Jeyna had really wanted to win that particular flight? Whatever it was, Amneris didn't like it. She might not know a lot about the subject but she was quite certain that this was for the best.

"I just don't see why it should matter that much. Of course, I don't know much about it yet." Amneris added the yet because she expected they would be going over it in Weyrling training in a few months. After all greens could fly to mate at about a turn and a half.

Did it really matter who ended up flying you? Amneris wondered at it for a long time. What would she prefer? Neris didn't know. It probably didn't matter much to her because she didn't need to have a preference. She hadn't had those sort of experiences. In all honesty, she didn't think it would change anything when it came time to decide. Labeth would be going off of instinct and so would she.

"Ragoth won't blame you. You shouldn't either. Things happen for a reason. Maybe the greens preffered larger dragons? Maybe they preferred men? Who can say but them?" Amneris was realizing how complicated relations in the Weyr were. She had no intention of making her own life that complicated.

Amneris was coming out of her thoughts now and smiled. "Oh, you read my mind. I was just thinking I'd like something sweet."

[kayla]

"Its just that there are so few options for Ragoth as it is. I know he might not blame me, but I do feel like I'm holding him back, and there's not much I can do about it." Jeyna had not had anything invested personally in that flight. She didn't really know Gwyn, and she had been able to find someone to help her expend her own Dragon Lust. The full frustration came from how it affected her Dragon.

She is right. I do not blame you, Mine. And while Jeyna knew that her dragon could not lie to her, she also knew that just be cause he did not blame her, did not mean that she did not blame herself.

"He says you're right. He doesn't blame me. But its hard to believe its not because of me." She sighed a bit and frowned, knowing that Amneris couldn't understand, and not holding that against her. "I'm sorry, 'Neris. I shouldn't have offloaded on you. Ragoth will be fine, and so will I."

She stood and offered the younger woman her hand, "Lets see if we can find something sweet then."

[hrsegrl]

"I should think that seeing as female blueriders are rare, that you would be more like a novelty. Rather than treated like you are not wanted in a flight. "Amneris was always different than other people, but she never cared. It didn't bother her if she was. As an apprentice she was treated differently because she was a girl. She understood where the frustration came from. There were times she had wished she was a boy. Once she got passed that, she decided that being different was actually better.

"Now, thats where riders get all self centered. Who said it had to be because of you. Some greens have preferences too. Not just riders." Labeth would probably have a long list of preferences. The green could be very picky about things. Like what sweet sand Amneris used. The fragrance had to be one she approved of.

She shook her head, "No. I said you could tell me. I wanted to know. In fact you do look a little better now that you talked to someone." Amneris wouldn't take credit for listening because she asked more questions than she listened.

Taking Jeyna's hand, Amneris looked up at her with a smile. She stood up, a little slower than she would have liked but her legs were sore. The blue rider hopefully had no idea, that she was having some sort of effect on Amneris. The Weyrling was feeling a bit shaky just then but she did her best not to let it show.

[kayla]

Jeyna chuckled softly as Amneris stood, "You're special, Amneris. Not many people think like you do." And Jeyna did revel in her difference. It was just that sometimes the price was rather steep. She wouldnt change it for a moment, even if there were times when she thought she would if she could.

Maybe the reason Jeyna couldn't accept that it could have been that Ragoth who was "rejected" was because as Ragoth's Rider, she couldn't imagine why anyone - Dragon or otherwise - wouldn't include her wonderful Blue. As far as she was concerned, Ragoth was the most magnificient Dragon ever.

"Thank you, 'Neris." And yes, Jeyna missed the signs, probably because she was not looking for them. "They really are you working you hard, aren't they?"

[hrsegrl]

She would have had herself under control but Jeyna had to go and call her special. Amneris swallowed hard and tried not to think of it as anything more than what it was. A friend complimenting a friend. Thats not the vibe she got from it but it was what was meant.

Amneris smiled, not more than she normally did. Thankfuly Jeyna hadn't noticed anything, nor would she. Amneris planned to have herself under better control from now on. "Well, its not so bad for some of them. I mean some of them have worked in jobs that require more physical strength. I'm not one of them and on top of it, I have a very thin body. The Weyrlingmaster says I need to eat more so that my muscles will grow."

She didn't see how that would help. Amneris had just cleaned a plate that should ahve filled a person twice her size. Not only that but she was about to head over for some dessert. She ought to be bigger. If you were bigger you would run into more things. Is Jeyna better? A little. Why? You seem very distracted by her right now. Yes, well you and I need to have a chat when I get back to the Barracks.

[kayla]

"You have a very nice body, Amneris. A few muscles would only help, but don't for a moment think you are anything but beautiful." Jeyna grinned to her. The comment was quite true, and Jeyna was in position to appreciate the feminine form.

"And based on the way you're eating, I think you'll build those muscles in no time. I'm sure the Weyrlingmaster has told you that the only way to ease sore muscles is to do more work? I know its hard to believe, but its true. Just be careful that he doesn't push you so much you strain anything." Running and building muscles weren't that different.

They reached the desserts, "Oh, bubbly pies... Will that do for something sweet?" She grinned and picked up two, handing 'Neris one of them. She wasn't quite back to herself, not with a moping Dragon in her head, but she was much better.