Post by darkaire on Jan 27, 2008 17:04:38 GMT -5
Character Info:
Name: Saylen to her family, Shaye to the Weyr
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Rank: Senior Weyrwoman of Igen
Family:
Father: Leshen, Lord Holder of Benden (63)
Mother: Sander, deceased
Step-Mother: Narya, Lady of Benden Hold (48)
Siblings:
Brothers:
Lander (41) Heir to Lord Leshen
Leryen (Half, 30)
Nashen (Half, 28)
Sisters:
Nayren (Half, 26)
Lashyan (Half, 24)
Leshya (Half, 24) Lady Holder of Telgar
Brother-in-Law: Enald, Lord Holder of Telgar (26)
Niece: Kimlye (newborn)
Children:
Sons:
Rhien (15)
Pherick (13)
Kyden (4)
Daughters:
Aniskel (12)
Lorryn (10)
Torina (7)
Kalen (5)
Appearance:
The Weyrwoman of Igen takes after her mother a great deal, which accounts for the reason why her father hails her as his favorite. Shaye is only 36, and she is a beautiful woman in the prime of her life, with large eyes and high cheekbones. Paired with fair, flawless skin and a fit body at 5'9", it's no wonder that she's not just popular with her father. Her curves would be more subtle if she gained some weight, but the Weyrwoman is a peckish eater, and tends to get so wrapped up in whatever she's doing that she forgets to eat. Because of her habit of grabbing a cup of klah and running, she's taken on more than just a slim stomach. As the Turns spin on, she grows thinner; and if she's noticed, she chooses to ignore it. Rarely is the issue brought up, and if it was, She would wave it off. Despite her bad eating habits, Shaye has not reached the point where her curves start diminishing. She was never huge to begin with, but her bust is an appreciable size for her height. Added to that are her hips, obviously meant for bearing children. This is a constant source of displeasure for her, and she tries to hide her hips with dresses. On particuarly bad days she'll pull out a pair of pants and lock herself in her weyr to do paperwork. But even loose clothing can't hide the attractive figure underneath.
With that kind of body, one would think that she would use it to her advantage. Even with something so simple as a flirtacious sway of those curvy hips, or batting long lashes could earn her a few professions of undying devotion and service, but Shaye chooses not to do anything to call attention to herself sexually. She keeps her delightful body dressed modestly, choosing to let her strong personality gain her what she wants rather than using her body to do it. If there was one feature that displays that personality best, it is her eyes. They are an icy blue, hard to mistake for any other color. The color is nowhere near white, nor is it near hazel. It is simply a clear, unadulterated blue one hundred percent of the time. And yet, those eyes seem full of emotion, sparking with anger or dull with boredum. It's nothing she does to make them so vivid, her emotions are so strong that they voice themselves in such a way.
Shaye's hair is a point of pride for her. Like her eyes, the shade is not so common and as pale as her skin tone. She is not so pale as to look sickly, but neither is she tanned enough to be as dark as her Junior Weyrwoman. Considering that her Weyr resides in the desert, she could be significantly darker. Indeed she is darker than her entire family, but when paired up with others from her Weyr, she seems pale. In truth, she is nicely tanned, as tanned as one might expect from a desert-dweller that prefers to find ways to stay out of the direct sunlight. She has a few spatterings of tiny freckles across her shoulders and along the bridge of her nose. Because her face is more tan than her back, those freckles are only visible when she blushes - a rare thing to see. Those along her shoulders are easily seen, though one would have to get her to undress to actually see them. Even then, her hair is long enough to cover them. The ends curl in slightly just under her shoulderblades. That curl is the only of its kind; her hair is straight and thin, though often goes a bit poofy during the humid season. It irritates her to no end, as her image of perfection is ruined. There is little she can do to tame it completely, and any sort of hat is out of the question. Her hair has bleached out from years in the heat and sun of Igen, losing its light brown color in favor of a pale white-blonde. Even while the color is a bit awkward, she pulls it off well. Shaye favors the color and covets it dearly.
Click to see...
Personality:
Shaye is a sweet girl - daddy's little angel, blonde hair bouncing around her face and a blithe smile curling her lips in a shy look. Harsh words make her gasp and widen those baby blues of hers. Flattering words elicit a blush and fluttered eyelashes. She's an innocent, most comfortable sitting cross-legged in the grass, having small talk about the weather with her father. There is no one she loves more than her father, and she would do anything for him - even acting like someone she isn't. Even though she finds her step-mother okay, there is no fondness between them. She finds Narya too reserved, a trait Shaye does not find attractive. It doesn't help that her step-mother went through a period of depression, leaving Shaye to take care of her siblings. While she didn't mind it at the time and she took some valuable knowledge from it, she thinks that because Narya couldn't make herself come out of the depression was a sign of her weakness. Shaye believes in absolute control of her emotions, and anyone who can't do the same are obviously weak.
Once her father leaves, this little image is dropped to reveal a much stronger personality. This makes Shaye a lying, two-faced mama dog. Should someone try to tell her this, she would just smile and thank them. She takes that as a compliment. Her facade is reserved only for her family, as none of them have seen the kind of person she's developed into. What they don't know wont hurt them, right? At least, that's what she thinks and strives for. So far she's done well in hiding her nature, due mostly to the fact that her family does not visit very often. It is an expensive trip to Igen, and Faranth knows that when she offers to pop between for lunch, she doesn't mean it. Something always comes up, whether it be paperwork or some pressing matter that needs her immediate attention. Shaye has an excuse for any occasion, as long as it's for her family. She offers no excuses to the Weyr. In her mind, they don't need them. If she doesn't want to go to a meeting, she wont show up. No message, nothing. If she doesn't like someone, that person will know. Shaye holds nothing back - and why should she? Igen Weyr is hers. She is the Senior Weyrwoman and should get to do as she pleases, which is exactly what she does. She has no qualms about treating someone badly; in fact, she takes a small amount of joy in doing so. Being able to show everyone how much power she has is thrilling. The power of her position intoxicates her and, ironically enough, is the only thing that keeps her company at night.
Some would call her an Ice Queen with the way she disregards men. In the past she had plenty of suitors, all of which she entertained with the kind of distance she used with dirty rags. Before coming to the Weyr, Shaye entertained herself by playing with the boys whose hearts she stole. Leading them on was a game to her, and it wasn't just figuring out new ways to twist their hearts. She also had to be careful that her father didn't catch wind of what she was doing. It was in these times that she learned how to keep a straight face and make people do her bidding.
For all of these characteristics, for all the control she has over both her body and her mind, The Senior Weyrwoman of Igen has one fatal flaw. A flaw so intense that it will most likely make her into a bitter old loon. Shaye is paranoid to the extreme. If something goes bump in the night, she is up in arms, most likely clutching some sort of pan and waving it around at whatever made the noise. Her ranking is too important for her to be caught off-guard by an assasin. Because of this she has trained in self defense, and has no qualms about using it whenever she deems appropriate. Sudden movements tend to startle her, and whispered conversations drive her batty. She will obsess over them, trying to figure out what the conversation centered around. Was it about her? If so, consider the whisperers already punished. If not, considered them punished anyway. Shouldn't they know by now to not whisper around her? It like, a law or something. Shaye's paranoia reaches farther than just reactions; the disease creeps into her mind and pollutes everything in it. Everyone has potential to betry her, though she trusts the inside of her Weyr much more than the outside. Outside Igen is only deceit and problems. She has no desire to handle negotiations from other Weyrs and has made that clear to most of Pern. It's not just political matters or daily routines that are dictated by her paranoia - it's also her love life. Shaye had never been a prolific lover, making the bed creak only in Flightlust. Even so, she has been a Queenrider for many Turns now and is quite fertile. Or maybe only fertile men have earned the right to her bed, because she has a decent amount of children running around in the creche. Of all the men that have ever had the pleasure of being called Weyrleader, only one has ever tweaked her paranoia to its most extremes. A'stin perks her interest like no one else. She's only a woman and can't help but fall prey to his charasmatic personality. Shaye has taken quite a tumble over him, though refuses to admit it. The evidence is clear enough in how she frets over where he is, what he's doing and who he's with. It's when he's with Jenafa that she worries most. All his old flames hardly matter, as the majority were one night stands. But Jenafa...well, she rides a Gold, and Golds Rise, and Jenafa's Gold is due to Rise very soon...and A'stin's Bronze likes to fly Golds. And has flown Jenafa's Gold before. See where this is going? Shaye has managed to convince herself the there is something between them, and that A'stin would pick her over Shaye. The thought drives her crazy, just as the thought that she enjoys being around him drives her crazy. In general, her paranoia makes her special.
History:
Saylen was born into a close, loving family. Her father ran one of the most prominent Holds, and her mother was one of the most beautiful women on Pern. She had a brother five years her elder, and he was just as wonderful as the rest fo them. Some might have called them the perfect family for their position, money and their love for each other. However, Saylen did not get to experience any of this love, as her mother died giving birth to her. She was actually born into a broken, depressed family. Leshen did his best to raise his daughter like his deceased wife would have, but eventually he had to hand her over to the Headwoman. He couldn't handle looking at those bright blue eyes and swatch of curly blonde hair that reminded him so much of Sander. He knew she would grow up to look just like her, and he couldn't do it. She stayed with the Headwoman until she was ten. The woman adopted Saylen as her own for those twelve years, letting her tag along during her rounds once she was old enough. At a young age she was shown the world of management and the skills it took to mother people. And even while she lived with the Headwoman, she would always slip off to find her father. There were days when he would call her guardian to take her away, but most days he was more than happy to spend a few minutes with her. She adored him like any young daughter loves her father, but it confused her when she walked in on him crying. She didn't understand what mourning was, and was happy enough when he started to cheer up again.
Of course, as she grew older she learned that he was becoming happy because of another woman, and she grew jealous. It was the younger daughter of Igen's Lord Holder, and Saylen instantly decided to dislike her because she was 'stealing Daddy!' The Headwoman instructed her to remain silent on this issue, and she did so. She kept her opinions to herself when Daddy proposed, and had to struggle to bite back her crying when Daddy married his second wife. She never asked questions and never told her father how unhappy she was. Was she not good enough for Daddy? Did Daddy not love her, was that why he had to bring in another woman? It ate at the little girl, and her paranoia was birthed around this time. The only thing that calmed her fears of inadequacy was that Leshen still paid her visits and brought her presents back from his journies to other places, be it Holds, Halls or Weyrs. He still payed attention to her, so the paranoia was very quiet. She hadn't yet wondered if he only gave her so much attention because she looked like her mother, though that would come soon. At ten the Headwoman asked if she wanted to live with her birth family again. Saylen firmly shook her head no, not giving any reason. But the Headwoman knew the reason and allowed the girl to continue living with her.
Yet two years later, Narya had her last children - twin girls. All attempts by the new Lady Holder to bear children after that resulted in stillbirths and miscarriages, sending her into the depression only a mother can feel. She locked herself away and could not find the strength to care for her children anymore. With a gentle nudge from the Headwoman, Saylen stepped up to take over where Narya left off and cared for her step-siblings. All of them grew very attached to her, possibly with the exception of Leryen, who was old enough to remember his mother well. But his protests faded away as the Turns went on. Saylen the girl became Saylen the woman and caretaker. She tended to her younger siblings during the day, and would steal off to assist the Headwoman with her duties on her time off. Rarely did she desire time for herself to sit and relax. Because if she did, that ugly paranoia would rear its head and make her doubt, make her crazy with thoughts. No, it was best for her to keep busy.
Seven Turns passed in this manner before Lady Narya recovered enough to want her children back for her own. Saylen was upset by this - afterall, she had been the one to raise them, to instill the basic Benden beliefs into them and teach them how they should live - and considered putting up a fight. In her mind, Narya's children had become her own, and in a twisted connection, she had assumed the role of Leshen's wife. In her mind it was not such a bad thing - she had become Daddy's number one girl, if not his favorite person in all of Pern. She did everything Narya was supposed to do, and she did it better that she had before her depression. Saylen worked hard for her father's approval, and now it seemed like she would lose it just because the real Lady Holder decided she was done laying around and sobbing all day. Well how nice for her, getting to take a seven Turn vacation! The incident made Saylen like her even less, though only the Headwoman seemed to notice. Saylen knew that besides herself and Narya, there was only one other woman in Daddy's life that could be considered competition. That was, and still is, Leshya. It was easy for her to notice that special way he smiled at her, because Saylen was always watching. The paranoia flared and grew. She had worked so hard for Daddy to love her the most, and this little girl had done nothing, but yet her father's love for her seemed to be getting stronger every day. Was Daddy going to forget about his Saylen?
Her fears were momentarily quieted on the day that a dragon came to visit. It was not an incredibly rare thing to happen, not with the way Benden Hold supported dragonriders. Nothing was different about that day: Saylen had been sorting out a mistake in the kitchens (mind more on how she would undermine Narya's mental health and inabilty to raise her children rather than on the problem) when the Headwoman relieved her of her duties and told her to go out into the courtyard. With a shrug, the now 18 Turn-old girl did as told and stood blinking up at a rather brightly-colored green. Almost immediately the wedged head swung around from whatever it had been pointed at to turn those faceted eyes on her. Saylen froze, staring back. Why was it looking at her, she wondered. Did she have some dirt on her face, perhaps? Or maybe it could read her thoughts and was planning to alert Narya to her little plan. The paranoia simmered in the back of her mind, always present. After what seemed like forever, the Green turned away, prodding at her rider with the tip of her muzzle. The rider flailed momentarily at the indignity of being poked and walked over to the rather confused girl. He explained that his dragon had decided that she would make a good Candidate for their Weyr's upcoming Hatching. Saylen nearly threw up on him and ran off. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave Daddy.
But the Green was more than insistant that Saylen come with them, and Leshan was alerted to the situation. Of course he was thrilled to hear that his eldest daughter would have the chance to stand for Impression. All it took was looking into her father's face and seeing his hopes for her, and Saylen readily packed her bag to leave. She would do anything for Daddy, anything to make him happy. And if he wanted to her to Impress a Gold, then by Faranth she would Impress a Gold. Even if it meant leaving him. Besides, if it didn't work out, then she could always return to the Hold. She kissed Leshen goodbye, hugged her siblings farewell, and climbed onto the Green's back. Her first trip between was terrifying, but thrilling. She still remembers it, just as she remembers that first season as a Candidate. She had arrived nearly four sevendays before the Hatching, and was alarmed to find that life was much different in the Weyr than she'd expected. It was nothing like Benden Hold, and there were no children for her to care for, no Hold to help orchestrate. She was dropped off in a barracks with other girls and expected to socialize with them.
It was miserable. Saylen was homesick, and bitterly so. It was no secret that Igen distusted outsiders, and most of the Candidates were born and raised within the Weyr. There were few who would speak to her, and even fewer who would openly spend time with her. Even the other Candidates from outside the Weyr seemed to avoid her. The other girls hated her, thinking that the Weyr had gone outside its walls to look for a Candidate good enough for the little Gold egg on the sands. They felt threatened by her presence, and let her know that early on. The boys, for fear of being shunned by the girls, went along with this treatment. Spending most of her time alone, Saylen did her chores and then would wander the Weyr. Often she found herself in the lower caverns, watching people work. Other times she would sit outside and watch the dragons practice. And then there were the days when she just wouldn't get out of bed, fake an illness and sleep all day. But she didn't sleep, couldn't when her body craved to be doing something. Her mind worked furiously to compensate for her body's refusal to move, and it came to the conclusion that if she was going to survive this, then she needed to stop caring. It would be easier to stop caring, because then she wouldn't hurt when the girls snubbed her. It wouldn't hurt when she had to eat alone. To do that, she needed confidence, needed to be proud of who she was and happy being alone. If she was going to become better than all the other girls, she needed to not let them hurt her. She needed to be better than them, because the Gold dragon would only pick the best. How would she be able to tell Daddy that she didn't Impress because she wasn't good enough? If she told him that, he might stop loving her. With that thought placed firmly in her mind, Saylen changed quickly. It was an act of desperation for survival, and everyone noticed it. The girls gossiped at her all the more fiercely, but it was too late because Saylen didn't care. Her new confidence might have been a facade, but no one could tell.
And then one morning she woke to the feeling of vibrations, and all the girls were scurrying around. Saylen was calm, or rather, she thought she might explode. This was the moment she had gone through all the torment for. All the agony she'd felt culminated here. Her body shook as she slipped on the white robe and walked quietly to the sands, feeling that she might shatter if she spoke. She must have stood there at least a candlemark before the first egg wobbled, tipping over and spiraling in crazy loops before cracking to reveal its contents. There were only nine eggs, and by some unhappy fate, the most important egg was the one to hatch last. When she did, it was glorious; the egg shattered messily, shell fragments everywhere but on the tiny, perfect Gold that stood glaring at them. She was fierce and she was proud, and those stupid little white things were annoying. However they were quite fun to play with. She would walk towards a group of them, and they would shy away from her. At least, all but two. One white thing came too close, and the little Gold snapped at her. The girl jumped away, and the little Gold trodded over to the other one to see why she wasn't scared. She should be scared. Saylen watched as the Gold moved away from her and felt something sink. She couldn't let her get away, not when Daddy wanted her to ride a Gold. With a surge of resolution, Saylen kicked sand at the little dragon. The Gold was outraged, spun to demolish whoever had ruined her glorious hide...and stopped. Oh. It is you, Saylen, the voice flowed through her mind, and that was that. Saylen had won.
In fact, Saylen had not won. While the girls got to lounge around the Weyr and do whatever they wanted, the new Goldrider found herself thrown into a life even more difficult than the previous. A season after her Impression, her father still had not heard of her achievement. He had not been present at the Hatching, and she didn't know why. Every night as she climbed into bed her muscles were exausted, but her mind was alive as ever. It whispered horrible things to her, telling her that Daddy had tricked her into thinking he wanted her to go to the Weyr. That Daddy had wanted her to leave and never come back; he must not want to see her ever again. It explained why he hadn't come to the Hatching, and it explained why he'd never come to visit her or write a letter. He hadn't even waved when she left on the back of the Green dragon. And now Saylen was stuck with an irritable Gold, stuck in the Weyr forever. She was unable to handle the emotions hourly, much less daily, and would constantly break down, sobbing into Lyranth's hide when she should have been going to lessons. The facade she'd made as a Candidate refused to hold now that there was no goal to pursue. Lyranth bore all this as patiently as she could, and when the sobbing got too much she would remind her rider snippily that her tears were washing away the oil on her hide. She was growing annoyed with her rider, just as her rider was growing annoyed with herself. This was no way to be living, and she had to do something about it...
Name: Saylen to her family, Shaye to the Weyr
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Rank: Senior Weyrwoman of Igen
Family:
Father: Leshen, Lord Holder of Benden (63)
Mother: Sander, deceased
Step-Mother: Narya, Lady of Benden Hold (48)
Siblings:
Brothers:
Lander (41) Heir to Lord Leshen
Leryen (Half, 30)
Nashen (Half, 28)
Sisters:
Nayren (Half, 26)
Lashyan (Half, 24)
Leshya (Half, 24) Lady Holder of Telgar
Brother-in-Law: Enald, Lord Holder of Telgar (26)
Niece: Kimlye (newborn)
Children:
Sons:
Rhien (15)
Pherick (13)
Kyden (4)
Daughters:
Aniskel (12)
Lorryn (10)
Torina (7)
Kalen (5)
Appearance:
The Weyrwoman of Igen takes after her mother a great deal, which accounts for the reason why her father hails her as his favorite. Shaye is only 36, and she is a beautiful woman in the prime of her life, with large eyes and high cheekbones. Paired with fair, flawless skin and a fit body at 5'9", it's no wonder that she's not just popular with her father. Her curves would be more subtle if she gained some weight, but the Weyrwoman is a peckish eater, and tends to get so wrapped up in whatever she's doing that she forgets to eat. Because of her habit of grabbing a cup of klah and running, she's taken on more than just a slim stomach. As the Turns spin on, she grows thinner; and if she's noticed, she chooses to ignore it. Rarely is the issue brought up, and if it was, She would wave it off. Despite her bad eating habits, Shaye has not reached the point where her curves start diminishing. She was never huge to begin with, but her bust is an appreciable size for her height. Added to that are her hips, obviously meant for bearing children. This is a constant source of displeasure for her, and she tries to hide her hips with dresses. On particuarly bad days she'll pull out a pair of pants and lock herself in her weyr to do paperwork. But even loose clothing can't hide the attractive figure underneath.
With that kind of body, one would think that she would use it to her advantage. Even with something so simple as a flirtacious sway of those curvy hips, or batting long lashes could earn her a few professions of undying devotion and service, but Shaye chooses not to do anything to call attention to herself sexually. She keeps her delightful body dressed modestly, choosing to let her strong personality gain her what she wants rather than using her body to do it. If there was one feature that displays that personality best, it is her eyes. They are an icy blue, hard to mistake for any other color. The color is nowhere near white, nor is it near hazel. It is simply a clear, unadulterated blue one hundred percent of the time. And yet, those eyes seem full of emotion, sparking with anger or dull with boredum. It's nothing she does to make them so vivid, her emotions are so strong that they voice themselves in such a way.
Shaye's hair is a point of pride for her. Like her eyes, the shade is not so common and as pale as her skin tone. She is not so pale as to look sickly, but neither is she tanned enough to be as dark as her Junior Weyrwoman. Considering that her Weyr resides in the desert, she could be significantly darker. Indeed she is darker than her entire family, but when paired up with others from her Weyr, she seems pale. In truth, she is nicely tanned, as tanned as one might expect from a desert-dweller that prefers to find ways to stay out of the direct sunlight. She has a few spatterings of tiny freckles across her shoulders and along the bridge of her nose. Because her face is more tan than her back, those freckles are only visible when she blushes - a rare thing to see. Those along her shoulders are easily seen, though one would have to get her to undress to actually see them. Even then, her hair is long enough to cover them. The ends curl in slightly just under her shoulderblades. That curl is the only of its kind; her hair is straight and thin, though often goes a bit poofy during the humid season. It irritates her to no end, as her image of perfection is ruined. There is little she can do to tame it completely, and any sort of hat is out of the question. Her hair has bleached out from years in the heat and sun of Igen, losing its light brown color in favor of a pale white-blonde. Even while the color is a bit awkward, she pulls it off well. Shaye favors the color and covets it dearly.
Click to see...
Personality:
Shaye is a sweet girl - daddy's little angel, blonde hair bouncing around her face and a blithe smile curling her lips in a shy look. Harsh words make her gasp and widen those baby blues of hers. Flattering words elicit a blush and fluttered eyelashes. She's an innocent, most comfortable sitting cross-legged in the grass, having small talk about the weather with her father. There is no one she loves more than her father, and she would do anything for him - even acting like someone she isn't. Even though she finds her step-mother okay, there is no fondness between them. She finds Narya too reserved, a trait Shaye does not find attractive. It doesn't help that her step-mother went through a period of depression, leaving Shaye to take care of her siblings. While she didn't mind it at the time and she took some valuable knowledge from it, she thinks that because Narya couldn't make herself come out of the depression was a sign of her weakness. Shaye believes in absolute control of her emotions, and anyone who can't do the same are obviously weak.
Once her father leaves, this little image is dropped to reveal a much stronger personality. This makes Shaye a lying, two-faced mama dog. Should someone try to tell her this, she would just smile and thank them. She takes that as a compliment. Her facade is reserved only for her family, as none of them have seen the kind of person she's developed into. What they don't know wont hurt them, right? At least, that's what she thinks and strives for. So far she's done well in hiding her nature, due mostly to the fact that her family does not visit very often. It is an expensive trip to Igen, and Faranth knows that when she offers to pop between for lunch, she doesn't mean it. Something always comes up, whether it be paperwork or some pressing matter that needs her immediate attention. Shaye has an excuse for any occasion, as long as it's for her family. She offers no excuses to the Weyr. In her mind, they don't need them. If she doesn't want to go to a meeting, she wont show up. No message, nothing. If she doesn't like someone, that person will know. Shaye holds nothing back - and why should she? Igen Weyr is hers. She is the Senior Weyrwoman and should get to do as she pleases, which is exactly what she does. She has no qualms about treating someone badly; in fact, she takes a small amount of joy in doing so. Being able to show everyone how much power she has is thrilling. The power of her position intoxicates her and, ironically enough, is the only thing that keeps her company at night.
Some would call her an Ice Queen with the way she disregards men. In the past she had plenty of suitors, all of which she entertained with the kind of distance she used with dirty rags. Before coming to the Weyr, Shaye entertained herself by playing with the boys whose hearts she stole. Leading them on was a game to her, and it wasn't just figuring out new ways to twist their hearts. She also had to be careful that her father didn't catch wind of what she was doing. It was in these times that she learned how to keep a straight face and make people do her bidding.
For all of these characteristics, for all the control she has over both her body and her mind, The Senior Weyrwoman of Igen has one fatal flaw. A flaw so intense that it will most likely make her into a bitter old loon. Shaye is paranoid to the extreme. If something goes bump in the night, she is up in arms, most likely clutching some sort of pan and waving it around at whatever made the noise. Her ranking is too important for her to be caught off-guard by an assasin. Because of this she has trained in self defense, and has no qualms about using it whenever she deems appropriate. Sudden movements tend to startle her, and whispered conversations drive her batty. She will obsess over them, trying to figure out what the conversation centered around. Was it about her? If so, consider the whisperers already punished. If not, considered them punished anyway. Shouldn't they know by now to not whisper around her? It like, a law or something. Shaye's paranoia reaches farther than just reactions; the disease creeps into her mind and pollutes everything in it. Everyone has potential to betry her, though she trusts the inside of her Weyr much more than the outside. Outside Igen is only deceit and problems. She has no desire to handle negotiations from other Weyrs and has made that clear to most of Pern. It's not just political matters or daily routines that are dictated by her paranoia - it's also her love life. Shaye had never been a prolific lover, making the bed creak only in Flightlust. Even so, she has been a Queenrider for many Turns now and is quite fertile. Or maybe only fertile men have earned the right to her bed, because she has a decent amount of children running around in the creche. Of all the men that have ever had the pleasure of being called Weyrleader, only one has ever tweaked her paranoia to its most extremes. A'stin perks her interest like no one else. She's only a woman and can't help but fall prey to his charasmatic personality. Shaye has taken quite a tumble over him, though refuses to admit it. The evidence is clear enough in how she frets over where he is, what he's doing and who he's with. It's when he's with Jenafa that she worries most. All his old flames hardly matter, as the majority were one night stands. But Jenafa...well, she rides a Gold, and Golds Rise, and Jenafa's Gold is due to Rise very soon...and A'stin's Bronze likes to fly Golds. And has flown Jenafa's Gold before. See where this is going? Shaye has managed to convince herself the there is something between them, and that A'stin would pick her over Shaye. The thought drives her crazy, just as the thought that she enjoys being around him drives her crazy. In general, her paranoia makes her special.
History:
Saylen was born into a close, loving family. Her father ran one of the most prominent Holds, and her mother was one of the most beautiful women on Pern. She had a brother five years her elder, and he was just as wonderful as the rest fo them. Some might have called them the perfect family for their position, money and their love for each other. However, Saylen did not get to experience any of this love, as her mother died giving birth to her. She was actually born into a broken, depressed family. Leshen did his best to raise his daughter like his deceased wife would have, but eventually he had to hand her over to the Headwoman. He couldn't handle looking at those bright blue eyes and swatch of curly blonde hair that reminded him so much of Sander. He knew she would grow up to look just like her, and he couldn't do it. She stayed with the Headwoman until she was ten. The woman adopted Saylen as her own for those twelve years, letting her tag along during her rounds once she was old enough. At a young age she was shown the world of management and the skills it took to mother people. And even while she lived with the Headwoman, she would always slip off to find her father. There were days when he would call her guardian to take her away, but most days he was more than happy to spend a few minutes with her. She adored him like any young daughter loves her father, but it confused her when she walked in on him crying. She didn't understand what mourning was, and was happy enough when he started to cheer up again.
Of course, as she grew older she learned that he was becoming happy because of another woman, and she grew jealous. It was the younger daughter of Igen's Lord Holder, and Saylen instantly decided to dislike her because she was 'stealing Daddy!' The Headwoman instructed her to remain silent on this issue, and she did so. She kept her opinions to herself when Daddy proposed, and had to struggle to bite back her crying when Daddy married his second wife. She never asked questions and never told her father how unhappy she was. Was she not good enough for Daddy? Did Daddy not love her, was that why he had to bring in another woman? It ate at the little girl, and her paranoia was birthed around this time. The only thing that calmed her fears of inadequacy was that Leshen still paid her visits and brought her presents back from his journies to other places, be it Holds, Halls or Weyrs. He still payed attention to her, so the paranoia was very quiet. She hadn't yet wondered if he only gave her so much attention because she looked like her mother, though that would come soon. At ten the Headwoman asked if she wanted to live with her birth family again. Saylen firmly shook her head no, not giving any reason. But the Headwoman knew the reason and allowed the girl to continue living with her.
Yet two years later, Narya had her last children - twin girls. All attempts by the new Lady Holder to bear children after that resulted in stillbirths and miscarriages, sending her into the depression only a mother can feel. She locked herself away and could not find the strength to care for her children anymore. With a gentle nudge from the Headwoman, Saylen stepped up to take over where Narya left off and cared for her step-siblings. All of them grew very attached to her, possibly with the exception of Leryen, who was old enough to remember his mother well. But his protests faded away as the Turns went on. Saylen the girl became Saylen the woman and caretaker. She tended to her younger siblings during the day, and would steal off to assist the Headwoman with her duties on her time off. Rarely did she desire time for herself to sit and relax. Because if she did, that ugly paranoia would rear its head and make her doubt, make her crazy with thoughts. No, it was best for her to keep busy.
Seven Turns passed in this manner before Lady Narya recovered enough to want her children back for her own. Saylen was upset by this - afterall, she had been the one to raise them, to instill the basic Benden beliefs into them and teach them how they should live - and considered putting up a fight. In her mind, Narya's children had become her own, and in a twisted connection, she had assumed the role of Leshen's wife. In her mind it was not such a bad thing - she had become Daddy's number one girl, if not his favorite person in all of Pern. She did everything Narya was supposed to do, and she did it better that she had before her depression. Saylen worked hard for her father's approval, and now it seemed like she would lose it just because the real Lady Holder decided she was done laying around and sobbing all day. Well how nice for her, getting to take a seven Turn vacation! The incident made Saylen like her even less, though only the Headwoman seemed to notice. Saylen knew that besides herself and Narya, there was only one other woman in Daddy's life that could be considered competition. That was, and still is, Leshya. It was easy for her to notice that special way he smiled at her, because Saylen was always watching. The paranoia flared and grew. She had worked so hard for Daddy to love her the most, and this little girl had done nothing, but yet her father's love for her seemed to be getting stronger every day. Was Daddy going to forget about his Saylen?
Her fears were momentarily quieted on the day that a dragon came to visit. It was not an incredibly rare thing to happen, not with the way Benden Hold supported dragonriders. Nothing was different about that day: Saylen had been sorting out a mistake in the kitchens (mind more on how she would undermine Narya's mental health and inabilty to raise her children rather than on the problem) when the Headwoman relieved her of her duties and told her to go out into the courtyard. With a shrug, the now 18 Turn-old girl did as told and stood blinking up at a rather brightly-colored green. Almost immediately the wedged head swung around from whatever it had been pointed at to turn those faceted eyes on her. Saylen froze, staring back. Why was it looking at her, she wondered. Did she have some dirt on her face, perhaps? Or maybe it could read her thoughts and was planning to alert Narya to her little plan. The paranoia simmered in the back of her mind, always present. After what seemed like forever, the Green turned away, prodding at her rider with the tip of her muzzle. The rider flailed momentarily at the indignity of being poked and walked over to the rather confused girl. He explained that his dragon had decided that she would make a good Candidate for their Weyr's upcoming Hatching. Saylen nearly threw up on him and ran off. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave Daddy.
But the Green was more than insistant that Saylen come with them, and Leshan was alerted to the situation. Of course he was thrilled to hear that his eldest daughter would have the chance to stand for Impression. All it took was looking into her father's face and seeing his hopes for her, and Saylen readily packed her bag to leave. She would do anything for Daddy, anything to make him happy. And if he wanted to her to Impress a Gold, then by Faranth she would Impress a Gold. Even if it meant leaving him. Besides, if it didn't work out, then she could always return to the Hold. She kissed Leshen goodbye, hugged her siblings farewell, and climbed onto the Green's back. Her first trip between was terrifying, but thrilling. She still remembers it, just as she remembers that first season as a Candidate. She had arrived nearly four sevendays before the Hatching, and was alarmed to find that life was much different in the Weyr than she'd expected. It was nothing like Benden Hold, and there were no children for her to care for, no Hold to help orchestrate. She was dropped off in a barracks with other girls and expected to socialize with them.
It was miserable. Saylen was homesick, and bitterly so. It was no secret that Igen distusted outsiders, and most of the Candidates were born and raised within the Weyr. There were few who would speak to her, and even fewer who would openly spend time with her. Even the other Candidates from outside the Weyr seemed to avoid her. The other girls hated her, thinking that the Weyr had gone outside its walls to look for a Candidate good enough for the little Gold egg on the sands. They felt threatened by her presence, and let her know that early on. The boys, for fear of being shunned by the girls, went along with this treatment. Spending most of her time alone, Saylen did her chores and then would wander the Weyr. Often she found herself in the lower caverns, watching people work. Other times she would sit outside and watch the dragons practice. And then there were the days when she just wouldn't get out of bed, fake an illness and sleep all day. But she didn't sleep, couldn't when her body craved to be doing something. Her mind worked furiously to compensate for her body's refusal to move, and it came to the conclusion that if she was going to survive this, then she needed to stop caring. It would be easier to stop caring, because then she wouldn't hurt when the girls snubbed her. It wouldn't hurt when she had to eat alone. To do that, she needed confidence, needed to be proud of who she was and happy being alone. If she was going to become better than all the other girls, she needed to not let them hurt her. She needed to be better than them, because the Gold dragon would only pick the best. How would she be able to tell Daddy that she didn't Impress because she wasn't good enough? If she told him that, he might stop loving her. With that thought placed firmly in her mind, Saylen changed quickly. It was an act of desperation for survival, and everyone noticed it. The girls gossiped at her all the more fiercely, but it was too late because Saylen didn't care. Her new confidence might have been a facade, but no one could tell.
And then one morning she woke to the feeling of vibrations, and all the girls were scurrying around. Saylen was calm, or rather, she thought she might explode. This was the moment she had gone through all the torment for. All the agony she'd felt culminated here. Her body shook as she slipped on the white robe and walked quietly to the sands, feeling that she might shatter if she spoke. She must have stood there at least a candlemark before the first egg wobbled, tipping over and spiraling in crazy loops before cracking to reveal its contents. There were only nine eggs, and by some unhappy fate, the most important egg was the one to hatch last. When she did, it was glorious; the egg shattered messily, shell fragments everywhere but on the tiny, perfect Gold that stood glaring at them. She was fierce and she was proud, and those stupid little white things were annoying. However they were quite fun to play with. She would walk towards a group of them, and they would shy away from her. At least, all but two. One white thing came too close, and the little Gold snapped at her. The girl jumped away, and the little Gold trodded over to the other one to see why she wasn't scared. She should be scared. Saylen watched as the Gold moved away from her and felt something sink. She couldn't let her get away, not when Daddy wanted her to ride a Gold. With a surge of resolution, Saylen kicked sand at the little dragon. The Gold was outraged, spun to demolish whoever had ruined her glorious hide...and stopped. Oh. It is you, Saylen, the voice flowed through her mind, and that was that. Saylen had won.
In fact, Saylen had not won. While the girls got to lounge around the Weyr and do whatever they wanted, the new Goldrider found herself thrown into a life even more difficult than the previous. A season after her Impression, her father still had not heard of her achievement. He had not been present at the Hatching, and she didn't know why. Every night as she climbed into bed her muscles were exausted, but her mind was alive as ever. It whispered horrible things to her, telling her that Daddy had tricked her into thinking he wanted her to go to the Weyr. That Daddy had wanted her to leave and never come back; he must not want to see her ever again. It explained why he hadn't come to the Hatching, and it explained why he'd never come to visit her or write a letter. He hadn't even waved when she left on the back of the Green dragon. And now Saylen was stuck with an irritable Gold, stuck in the Weyr forever. She was unable to handle the emotions hourly, much less daily, and would constantly break down, sobbing into Lyranth's hide when she should have been going to lessons. The facade she'd made as a Candidate refused to hold now that there was no goal to pursue. Lyranth bore all this as patiently as she could, and when the sobbing got too much she would remind her rider snippily that her tears were washing away the oil on her hide. She was growing annoyed with her rider, just as her rider was growing annoyed with herself. This was no way to be living, and she had to do something about it...
