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Post by kayla on Oct 30, 2007 10:18:25 GMT -5
A couple of nights after the incident in the stands surrounding the sands, it was Neory's turn to be unable to sleep. She had not gone to visit the sick bronze riding weyrling, but she had stopped by the Healers a couple of times to inquire about how D'leon was doing. She was saddened to find that he was so sick and felt like she should have seen the warning signs.
Sheluth did not understand why hers was feeling guilty about what had happened to the young man. As far as Sheluth was concerned, he had tried to hurt Neory, so Neory should not be carrying any guilt. The only reason she even really remembered what happened was that hers could not stop thinkjing about what had happened.
Whether the Gold understood or not, Neory could not help but think that she should have seen the warning signs. That she should have insisted that the stubborn hard bronzer go to the healers, even though there had been no real reason for her to suspect that his behavior was because he was ill except perhaps K'sah's concern about him.
Despite the irrationality of her feelings, Neory found herself in the Weyrling's Common Room staring into the fire. She did not like D'leon, but as a clutchmate, she did feel responsibility for him, and she did consider his younger brother her friend. As she had been wracked by guilt, she had begun to wonder if the same background that had made K'sah so wary of people and submissive had not made D'leon into the cruel bully he was. Which lead her to wondering if he shouldn't be treated differently, but she also could not allow him to continue picking on the others. And so the newest gold rider was conflicted and feeling rather guilty as she stared into the fire that night.
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Post by thedreamerlady on Oct 30, 2007 10:47:02 GMT -5
There seemed to be something in the air, or that was at least what P'len thought. Everyone in the Weyrling barracks liked being in the middle of the night, running off to somewhere, usually with fire, and he always ended up waking up, and following them.
At least this time he didn't have to wander half the Weyr wearing gray and blue sleeping clothes, the top having just been pulled on to follow his sense.
He was not surprised to find Neory sitting in front of the fire, and he sat down next to her. The young man didn't know Neory very well- he'd avoided most of the metallics who were in his clutch, but if she was upset, he'd take care of her as best he could. Nobody else was doing it.
"Want to talk about it?"
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Post by kayla on Oct 30, 2007 10:58:47 GMT -5
She glanced over at him and smiled, "You're going to think I'm insane." She half chuckled at herself and then glanced back into the fire.
Neory knew that while D'leon had gone out of his way to give her his brand of attention, P'len had been avoiding her and the other new bronze riders. If she had any energy left between classes and their clutchmates who she was already concerned about, she'd tell him off for his self-loathing and unfair judgments. But the fact of the matter was that D'leon was not helping any who had a bad image of bronzes, and she was kept so busy that she would not be surprised if people thought she was stuck-up, though she tried to be social and friendly in her off time.
"I'm just feeling guilty about D'leon." She chuckled, "I realize that there is absolutely nothing rational in that statement or the feeling, but no one ever claimed that feelings are rational." She sighed softly, "I've judged him so harshly, and maybe rightfully. But I should have seen that he was being... not himself, except he was being himself. But, somehow, I should have known he was sick or realized his brother's concern was more than just, no one had seen D'leon."
She laughed slightly, "And yes, I am well aware of how that sounds. I just, I don't know. I feel responsible." She glanced at him, "But apparently you might understand. Do you just randomly follow people to the fire to make sure they're ok?"
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Post by thedreamerlady on Oct 30, 2007 11:39:42 GMT -5
P'len shrugged noncommittally. Goldriders probably were insane, alone with Bronzeriders. And while that probably meant that P'len was insane himself, well, the Bronzerider already knew that.
And then she started talking about D'leon. What was it with that guy? Everyone was always talking about him, being upset because of him, running off and having P'len chase them down because of him. It hadn't even been this bad after the pretty boy Holder had broken every straight girls heart. If it had been anyone other than D'leon, P'len might have wanted to find out what his secret was.
She felt guilty. P'len wouldn't have, and he was glad to see that she knew it wasn't rational. But as for how to comfort her? He wasn't sure.
"I'm sure you know that Goldriders aren't suppose to read minds any more than Bronzeriders." That was true, and while P'len continued to talk, he wasn't sure where he was going with this. "But you might as well have. You found him- no easy feat I assume, and while you got into an argument with him, at least you were able to be there when he finally collapsed. If you hadn't- he might have fallen down anyway, dehydrated and died. You just have to look at it from a different perspective- we all do our part, and in our own way."
P'len fluffed up his afro, feeling a little silly- what was it with him and speeches in the middle of the night?
"I find people who are running off into the night, and you do your own thing. It's all good work."
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Post by kayla on Oct 30, 2007 12:07:26 GMT -5
She sighed, "Its not about whether or not I can or even should read minds. Its.. I feel like I judged him, maybe unfairly. Which admittedly, he did make pretty easy. I was so concerned about protecting the rest of our clutchmates from him, that I didn't even think that there might be something... wrong with him."
Neory chuckled and shook her head, "Maybe I am expecting too much of myself. I know its not my job to mother our clutchmates, but we - myself and you bronzers - are supposed to be the leaders. I take that seriously. If you follow out those who are troubled at night, I think you must too."
"But you're right, if I wasn't there and hadn't called for help, he might have passed out alone and who knows when he'd be found. So maybe its not that bad." She knew that she probably needed to talk to Elisha or even Marisol about this. As Queen Riders with experience, they would understand and be able to give her some guidance. And it had been a while since she'd visited with Marisol.
"So... what is troubling you that you're awake at night to see people sneaking out?"
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Post by thedreamerlady on Oct 30, 2007 22:37:45 GMT -5
P'len gave her a funny look. "You think he was acting like that because he was sick?" The dark skinned man snorted, and shook his head.
"Let me tell you sister, he's a bad apple. He might have been worse because he was sick, but his sickness also might have made him softer on you. He's been like this a long time. And leading isn't about beating yourself up. It's about doing what's best for the greatest number of people."
Seriously. What was up with these speeches?
"And we have no less responsibility than any of the other Riders. Or Drudges or Crafters." After all, Bronzes weren't special, not any more than a Green or Blue. He knew Nargoth would disagree, but the Bronze was rather full of himself.
"Nothing is troubling me." P'len responded rather stoically. "I'm a very light sleeper. And being the older brother sets you up to respond to these sort of things."
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