all by myself (open)

[hrsegrl]

Amneris sat in the Barracks, which was seemingly deserted. Everyone must have afternoon chores. She had been stuck with early morning chores today. Not that she minded, she didn't sleep much anyway. Labeth was laying next to the young blonde. Last night she had her hair cut to just above her shoulders. Still enough of it to pull back but not for Thread to burrow in during fall. Surely the Weyrlingmaster would approve of the length.

Neris had surmised that the cut made her look older. Strange that hair could do that. She was in a quiet mood today, not really in a chatty mood. Her eyes were on the guitar in her hands. She would play and then perhaps get an early dinner before it grew dark. Labeth had already been cleaned, oiled, fed, attended lessons and now she was tuckered out.

Her voice lifted out of her as it always did, a soft high voice. Labeth was a big fan of her rider's voice but she was sleeping, so Amneris thought she had no audience.

"Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky, and then it starts to rain,
my defenses hit the ground, and they shatter all around, so open and exposed.
I found strength in the struggle, face to face with my troubles.
When your broken in a million little pieces and your trying but you can't hold on anymore.
Every tear falls down for a reason, don't you stop believeing in yourself, when your broken.
Little girl don't be so blue, I know what your going through, don't let it beat you up, hitting walls and getting scars only makes you who you are.
No matter how much your heart is aching, there is beauty in the breaking.
When your broken..."

[kayla]

Neory had chores just like all the Weyrlings had, hers more included shadowing the Weyrwoman so that she could soon assist Elisha by taking some things off of her plate - but first she needed to fully understand and know what went into those duties. Which meant she had spent the afternoon sitting silently but observantly in a meeting between the Weyrwoman and the Headwoman.

If Neory was to describe the afternoon and what she learned, it was only partially how to deal with the Headwoman - a pretty stubborn herself. Mostly, she had learned how to force herself to pay attention and focus when she was extremely bored. She wondered that there had ever been a point that she had wanted to be one of the Headwoman's assistants... with the idea that she could maybe be a Headwoman if she didn't impress.

She returned to the barracks exhausted and debating between taking a nap and seeing if Sheluth wanted a bath. However, when she heard Amneris singing she stopped and listened, not wanting to intterupt. When the song was ended, Neory came in and smiled warmly to the young Green Rider, "Amneris, that was beautiful."

[hrsegrl]

Though she had not noticed her audience, Amneris was never embarrassed by her music. She also loved compliments. "Thank you. How have things been going with Weyrwoman training?" That wasn't her idea of fun. She was once again glad she had not impressed a Gold.

"I'd be so intimidated to work around Elisha and Marisol." Not to mention the Headwoman and the Weyrleader. They all intimidated her on some level. Not that she wouldn't talk to them if she needed to, she just prefferred to keep that on a once in a long while basis.

She had not had the chance to talk to Neory much since WEyrlinghood had begun. Not that anything had really change but they were both busy at different times. Except for now, which was rare. "You look tired, they aren't overworking you are they?"

[kayla]

Neory chuckled as she took a seat, "No. They're not overworking me. I would imagine that my workload is nothing compared to what it will be once Sheluth flies. Its just... ugh..." She shook her head, "I never realized that part of my job as a goldrider would involve surviving boredom. And actually, in a while I won't just be watching the boredom. No, I'll be the one getting passionate about... how important it is to make comfort food so that the Riders don't get discouraged while listening to the argument about limited supplies. Its important, but... boring."

She chuckled again, "And probably more than you wanted to hear." Neory smiled warmly at her.

"They're not that intimidating. Marisol befriended me before the eggs were clutched, so I enjoy being around her. And Elisha is a good person, even a friend. Now... V'rak... he can be intimidating. But at least he's the one Bronzer who doesn't try to be nice to me with hope that his Bronze will catch Sheluth."

Neory grinned and shrugged, "And that is more than enough about me. How is everything going for you? How's your Labeth doing?"

[hrsegrl]

Neris didn't mind hearing about it, she was just glad she wasn't the one having to worry about it. The whole idea of making sure people and dragons had enough food, well it was overwhelming. "I agree, Marisol is easy to talk to but I doubt she is easy to work with. She seems much too demanding." As for Elisha, she wasn't sure what to make of the Weyrwoman. She had not even met the woman, though she knew who she was.

Amneris set her guitar down gently. "Oh I'm sure thats not all they are thinking about. People are much mroe complicated than they can seem. Maybe your thinking that they are after you is just something that was drilled into you. I don't doubt that many of them would like to fly Sheluth but I also think some of them are in committed relationships with non-riders or even greenriders. It can't hurt to befriend some of the Bronzeriders. I mean theres a few that are bound to be Wingleaders and you will have to work with them and also they will be the closest to your equal in the Weyr. "

She was chatting too much again. Stopping herself. "Sorry, I just don't want you to close yourself to the many people who could be most helpful to you. Even if they do like you for your dragon at first, once they know you, that will change."

It was her own experience that people were so involved in their own lives that they sometimes forgot those of other people. The Bronzeriders had agendas but she doubted that they all had the same one. "Mostly things are going well. I managed to find homes for all seven of Tipp's puppies and now I don't have to worry about them. Labeth has been very well, she's taken an interest in all this Search rider bussiness, so I'm thinking of asking Lan'ae if we can maybe meet with a Searchrider to explain the proccess in more detail."

[kayla]

Neory grinned, "She is very demanding, but there's something about a compliment from her, or acknowledgment that you're doing well. Its...its that she's had so much experience at this. If she says that you're doing well, then, you must be. And when she criticizes, if it will help you be half the Queen Rider she is... its worth it." She shrugged. She didn't necessarily always feel that way about it, but it'd been a bit since her last session with Marisol, so she had had time to reflect.

"And I know, they're not all just sigularly focused. I guess its just that with Sheluth and all the lessons, I don't even have time to think about romance." Though it seemed as often as she was saying that tahat she was at least aware of it.

Neory grinned to Amneris, "Its all right. I'm trying not to close myself off to anyone. Its just sometimes hard not to seem just a tiny bit cynical. But you're right. I need to give them a chance, at the very least." She chuckled, "Who knows, maybe I could make friends, who, as you say, could be helpful."

"Oh that's great!" Neory was truly glad to hear this, "You would be a great search rider. I really think you'd make candidates very comfortable." There was more that she thought, but for now she'd keep that to herself. "And I'm glad the puppies all got homes. Are you happy with everyone who adopted them?"

[hrsegrl]

"Indeed, there is no harm in respecting, even idolizing her. She definately had an impact here." No one could say if it was a good or bad impact as of yet. Still there wasn't any need for her to think about that right now.

"None of us have had time for that." Not that Amneris had ever been the slightest bit interested in romance. She'd never kissed anyone... in fact it had never crossed her mind before now. Strange. This whole becomming a woman thing must be to blame.

She was glad that Neory thought she would do well at Searchriding. It wasn't something she was sure of just yet.
"Oh yes. The Weyrleader took one, and Wingsecond R'lec, Wingsecond Z'ir, Journeywoman Healer Eisu, Tirveni Wingrider Jeyna, Pyralis Wingrider N'zule and a drudge called Rory. Never met him before but he had kind eyes." Amneris had gotten the feeling he was a caring person.

"I think they will do well. If not they can take care of them till I ahve my own weyr and then I'll take them back and have a whole pack of them running about."

[kayla]

Neory nodded in agreement. She did in some ways idolize Marisol, but it was more a matter that if she was ever Weyrwoman, Marisol would be what she would aspire to be. She liked Elisha, but she disagreed with some of the decisions she had made, and really appreciated the changes that Marisol had brought about and would want to return to them, but she also knew that Elisha had her reasons and that they were not without validity.

"Sounds like you found good homes then, from what I know of those who adopted them. I'm sure the puppies will be very happy, and that you'll be allowed to visit them. Though I couldn't imagine having an entire pack of puppies in my weyr! That'd be... a lot of puppies." She chuckled at how not eloquent that was.

Neory moved over to sit on her bed, "You know, your music is really good and its a great way to unwind. I think we should figure out a time for you to play for people officially. If you want to."

[hrsegrl]

"I know they will be fine. The more puppies the more love. Canines are great companions, especially for people who don't have the luxury of impressing a dragon." She was quite glad that a couple non- riders had adopted. They would be very spoiled pups either way.

Amneris had never been shy, not once in all her long fifteen turns. When Neory mentioned performing she smiled. "I'd enjoy that and so would Labeth. She wants us to be noticed. I think thats a green dragon mentality for you. Always wanting to catch someone's eye."

She wasn't sure that to play at the Weyr. Really she had only played what she felt like since arriving. There seemed to be no rules on what songs were allowed here. At the Harper Hall there had been regulations and Holds were worse. Certain words and phrases were to be avoided. Certain types of songs were to be avoided altogether.

[kayla]

Neory grinned, "We'll definitely have to set up a time for you to perform then. We should make sure that the Weyr gets the full benefit out of having a Harper-trained Rider." Neory wanted to make sure that Amneris' talents as a Harper were appreciated even now that she was a Rider. She knew that music was as much a part about of her as Riding was now.

Neory tilted her head slightly looking at Amneris, "Amneris... that's..." She grinned, "that's fantastic, about those without dragons having a pet as a companion. You know, I don't think that rankers are the only ones who will be a huge help for me when I'm even just a junior weyrwoman."

She smiled warmly at her, beginning to have an idea that the Greenrider would be a great ally, though she truly wanted to be friends, not use the young woman.

[hrsegrl]

"Well I'm sure there are other riders more qualified than myself but I wouldn't mind putting my musical talent to good use." She thought about what the Harpers would say. THey probably thought her under trained. They weren't perfect either. She thought she was fairly well trained considering she had only been apprenticed for six turns.

Amneris was pleased that Neory thought she would be of some use, even if that wasn't what Neory had said exactly. "Since when did Rankers have all the good ideas. Besides its always good to listen to the class with the greater numbers. Drudges would be an excellent place to look for answers on how to improve the Weyr. No one asks them though."

Just a junior Weyrwoman? Amneris wanted to laugh. "You do realize that as JUST a Junior Weyrwoman you will be riding the second most powerful dragon in the Weyr and hold the third most powerful position." There was a lot of responsibility that came with such a position. The good side was that the fate of Pern also rested with the decisions of the person who hekd that position. The Weyr decisions may be led by th eSenior but she would council with her juniors.

[kayla]

"I was just realizing more than that everyone has good ideas, but realizing that Bronzers might not always be the ones who will be the most help." She grinned, "And that's exactly what I was thinking, no one really does ask the drudges much - I know, I was one until the Queen Egg was laid. But I wonder if I'd be someone people in the Lower Caverns would open up to now that I'm a Gold Rider. However... a Green Rider might be someone that they'll talk to."

Neory chuckled softly at Amneris' comment, "All I meant is that I won't be the one making policy decisions, but yeah... I know. And to be honest, that's still kind of weird to think about just yet."

She smiled a bit, "Its amazing how much and quickly these dragons change our lives with just... well... a thought? Isn't it?" Not that Neory was complaining, she loved Sheluth and she would rise to the occassion of the responsibility.

[hrsegrl]

Neory seemed to be hinting that the greenrider would be easier to talk to. Of course Amneris was easy to talk to. She had even had a semi descent conversation with D'leon. Not that the young man cared to remember it. She still maintained he wasn't all that bad and that most of what was coming out was his frustration with his past. He probably needed someone to relate to. Sadly Neris wasn't that person.

"I'm sure some people wouldn't be afraid to speak with you. I know what you mean though. It would be difficult to know whether they were saying what they truly wanted to say or what they thought you wanted to here them say. " She had never been shy around anyone with rank. It did seem to affect some people when she had newly arrived. Of course, she never meant to offend people.

Shifting her weight a bit on the bed, Amneris leaned back on her arms. "I never found it amusing. Ruining all my plans. The little brat didn't even have the decency to ask. I was just told that I was her rider, no arguments." Amneris said the words with a slightly sarcastic tone. It was very clear that she loved the little green.

[kayla]

Neory nodded, "Exactly." And Amneris was easy to talk to, but even more importantly for what Neory was thinking Amneris was good with people. She knew how to read them and see what it was that they needed, and she seemed to care. "No matter how sincere I am, there's a good chance that people will be afraid to say what they really think around me."

She looked at the Green a bit and then smiled, "And Bronzers may want to curry favor rather than be honest with me. You know what I think I'm going to need, and please do not think I'm just using you - I more think this will be natural for both us." She grinned. "A friend who won't be afraid to tell me the truth, even if its not what I want to hear. Someone to keep me honest and notlet me lose sight of the reality of those without rank."

She laughed "Yes, they were slightly demanding little things, weren't they. All, 'Hi, you're mine. Feed me now.'" She giggled, "Though I suppose all babies are demanding."

[hrsegrl]

"I suppose that is true. Though to be honest I've never really feared anyone with Rank, so I don't think I'll understand why they can't just tell you." Amneris thought herself fairly honest. Why lie to someone who is capable of making changes to your benefit.

Gold dragons must be good at taking charge, because she didn't see that the people who impressed Queens were really any better at it than the rest of Pern. "Bronzers may be trying to curry favor or they may be playing at thinking opposite of you in order to gain insight as to where you stand on issues." Amneris wasn't thinking that would be so bad. She'd always told people how she felt. Well, most people. It would probably be better if she never saw Kendara again, because if she were allowed to tell her what she thought of her, they'd both probably end up in the infirmiry.

" I can try." She smiled, and looked over at Labeth's s;eeping form. The green was worn out today. Amneris too, in fact she was growing quite hungry. "'All babies have to be demanding because they are unable to fend for themselves. I'm so glad I won't be having any." That was the truth of it. She didn't want children, ever. Yes she had grown up in a large family and large families were great fun but she personally would have a wing to be family to and that was enough for her.