Frustrated! (Open)

[kayla]

Jeyna was frustrated. She was extremely frustrated as she decided to get a midnight snack, and maybe find some companionship for the evening.

Some Greens chose the dragon who caught them, and when they did it was usually because the Rider had a preference. Not all dragons or Riders had a preference though, and that was usually when Jeyna and Ragoth had a good chance - and when a certain bronze did not choose to try!

There had been a flight earlier that day, and Ragoth had not been the one to catch the Green. He was not too upset about it, having rather quickly forgotten and moved on.

But Jeyna was frustrated. It seemed like Ragoth's successful flights were further and further between. There were even fewer flights she allowed him to try for. She got tired of the way the Greenies would look at her when they realized they'd been with a woman. A few gave her a look of disgust. She was ok with that. It was the look of dissapointment which she couldn't stand. The, "It was good, but... you're a woman." It wasn't even about how she was in bed but the fact that she simply lacked one significant piece of anatomy.

So she had come down to the night hearth in a rare dark mood. Ragoth was asleep and, blissfully, unaware of his Rider's feelings.

Jeyna poured herself a rare glass of wine and got a small snack. She drank the wine slowly, savoring it and nibbled on the food she had gathered.

She could only hope that the next batch of weyrlings would include some Greenies, of either gender, who would appreciate a woman.

[enlightened]

It was too late for people to be around, J'sin lied to himself as he wandered into the Weyrhall. He wished he had something to do other than reply to his mother's latest letter. It was getting tiresome! All the responsibilities, keeping track of finances and property, weekly updates ... and in addition to that his mother had to write him every day - "Please come home Jaysin (the fact that she wouldn't call him J'sin irked him). I miss you! It's so lonely here without you! We need you. Your brother has been around lately and you need to show him you're still around. It wears your uncle down to deal with all of this."

J'sin shook his head violently to clear his thoughts and kicked a chair. He loved his family! And his duty to them kept him from giving up his inheriatnce. But he would rather die than lose Shideriath. And the Weyr - J'sin glanced up and noticed a woman by the hearth. Just his luck! He blushed slightly and strightened the chair. J'sin would not allow himself to be seen in a temper. They were rare anyway.

"Sorry," J'sin said quietly. "I didn't expect to see anyone here." He paused, sensing that she wasn't in the happiest of moods. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked.

Maybe she would want to talk and he could put off writing that letter for another day. That would be ideal.

[kayla]

Jeyna took a deep breath and then offered a smile over to the young man. "Needed to get out of my weyr for a while. Just to think."

She tilted her head slightly at him, "What about you?"

She tried for a moment to place him, "I'm sorry. I can't quite recall your name, but aren't you still a weyrling? I remember when I was, they kept rather strict curfews for the newly impressed riders." She grinned a bit, "Not that anyone ever obeyed those rules really, unless they desperately needed sleep."

She would hold her hand out to him, "By the way, I'm Jeyna. Rider of Blue Ragoth."

[enlightened]

J'sin nodded and shook the woman's hand. Female blue riders always interested him. He knew it wasn't an exceedingly rare thing, but he didn't quite understand why that happened. But then again, it was all up to the dragons.

"J'sin of blue Shideriath ... and yes I just Impressed a few months ago." He paused to think about the rules. "Curfew ... right ... well, not tonight." He grinned and sat down. This Jeyna didn't look like someone who would get him in trouble for being out too late. And he was pretty sure if Shi woke up he'd let J'sin know.

"You're thinking and here I am trying to get away from thinking." J'sin waved his letter with a grimace. "My mother writes me every day and expects me to reply as often. I've been at the Weyr for a Turn and, well, it's kind of wearing. I'm almost ready to just move her in here to work in the lower caverns or something! But then again, she just doesn't understand dragons and being a rider and all ... and I doubt living here would change that." J'sin sighed low, slow, and long. "Anyway, you know the drill. Can't sleep with this on my mind so I decided to wander in here to see if I could find something else to help me put it off for another day."

[kayla]

She chuckled a bit at the curfew thing. She had not been the worst offender when she was a weyrling, but she had not been perfect either. She was pretty sure that every weyrling probably broke the rules some.

There were not many other female blue riders in the weyr, at the most about 20. She was not even sure that there were any among the weyrlings. If there were, she needed to get to know the girl to help her through the hard time.

She listened to his problem and chuckled, but not at him. "That's that's rather brutal. Well, you can just ignore her. Burn the letters. Or if its a real problem, talk to the weyrling master. If its getting in the way of your training, I'm sure he'll step in or talk to the weyrleaders to do it."

She knew that a too high number of pairs did not make it out of training, and if anything was in the way, it needed to be fixed. Though she would not try to be the one to fix it this time.

[enlightened]

J'sin brow deepened at her suggestion. As annoying as his mother was ... well, she was his mother! And he could never do anything that'd hurt her. Not if it was at all avoidable.

"I'll survive for now," he said quietly. "I'm sure the closer I get to being a wingrider the less contact I'll have. But might as well let time run it's course." He paused, his thoughts turning tragic. "And I guess she could die by then anyway." J'sin shook his head slightly to clear the thought.

He gazed over at Jenya. The woman was rather cold and not very open. That seemed to happen a lot in the Weyr. He could give conversation a try though. And if not, not all was wasted. He'd met someone new and it was getting late, as Jenya had mentiioned.

"What are you out here thinking about?" He took a guess, "Flights?"

[kayla]

Jeyna was not usually cold, but she knew better than to flirt with Weyrlings. That combined with her current frustration meant that she was not quite as open or friendly as she normally was. Just a case of bad timing.

She smiled a bit at him, "I'm sorry. I guess that was harsh, but the weyrling training has its share of dangers. I guess I was thinking more from the perspective of reducing distractions." The whole "she could die" comment had made her realize how cold her own response had sounded.

"Why don't you promise her that you'll visit as soon as you can, and in your letters to her, talk about all your learning - and about your dragon. Help her to see how much Shideriath is an essential part of you now."

At his question she would snort a bit, though not trying to be mean, "In a sense. Its hard sometimes to be a female Blue rider. Guess I was just wallowing in frustration some."

[enlightened]

J'sin smiled weakly. "Good idea," he said, doubts already running through his mind. "It's hard to leave here, especially with such a young dragon, but ..." he shrugged. "I guess I'll write her tomorrow."

With a sigh he rested his chin on his hand and stared off for a moment, when Jenya replied to his question. He thought slowly about what she said and nodded twice. He would have never thought about something like that. J'sin ran through everyone he knew and realized how difficult life must be around flight time.

"I - uhm, yea." Condolences didn't seem quite right. He had pretty much no comfort to offer. He hardly knew the woman and telling her to cheer up would probably earn him a smack. "Well, wallowing is never good," he finally mumbled. "But I mean you can still participate in flights, with greens. Right? Er, what happens if you don't?" J'sin could feel himself beginning to think out loud. "I mean what if you just decided not to and just be a uh rider. It doesn't matter, does it?"

[kayla]

Jeyna smiled, she did not want to laugh at the young man. "I never said I have to participate in flights. I like to. And Ragoth would probably never forgive me if I didn't let him try for any Greens."

"Its more a matter of most of the Green Riders prefer to find themselves sharing a bed with a man rather than a woman. I've gotten to the point that we try to avoid even trying for some of the ones with pickier riders."

"And no, wallowing is not good. I don't usually let myself. But tonight." She shrugged, "Tonight I guess I needed a little self-indulgence."

[enlightened]

J'sin nodded and ran a hand through his hair - a habit he picked up to subtly show it off to the girls around the Hold. It was just a thinking habit now though. And a reminder that he needed to get his hair cut before people started thinking him a girl with his curls!

"I guess I can understand that," he admitted. "Though it's not like they can't have a man at any time. They don't have to wait for flight." He shrugged with her. It didn't seem there was much else to do. And even if J'sin was interested in playing problem-solver it didn't look like Jeyna would appreciate that.

"Well, I hope you don't stay frustrated for long. Say, what wing are you in?" Having dropped the problem, J'sins thoughts turned toward his future. He'd get to be a in a wing someday! Maybe it'd be good to have connections before then.

[kayla]

She grinned, "I won't. Its not in my nature to." And she would be flirting actively if it weren't for the need for weyrlings to be chaste until their Dragons are mature enough to deal with such strong feelings in their riders.

"I'm in Triveni. Its a good wing. Have you started thinking about which one you would like to end up in? Has your dragon begun to fly yet?"

[enlightened]

J'sin thought the change of conversation seemed like a relief to both of them. General dragon stuff was never touchy among dragonriders.

"Triveni," J'sin repeated knowingly. His eyes narrowed slightly as he rolled the name around his mind hoping to pick up some characteristic about the wing or remember someone else he knew in it. No such luck. Smiling again, J'sin thought of his dear blue.
"Shi is 3 months, so no flying yet. I can't wait though! Learning to fly between isn't something I'm looking forward to," J'sin shuddered slightly and paused as horror stories flooded his mind of weyrlings dying. "Eh, but flying. Flying I'd like to do!" He grinned happily and then quickly added, "But I know better than to fly alone and too soon." He didn't know much but at least he had some common sense.

"Err, do we get to pick a wing to go into?" J'sin sheepishly ran his hands through his hair again. He self-consciously reminded himself to stop doing it so often. If only he had listened more cosely as a candidate. Then again, it had gone by rather quickly! He'd been at the Weyr for less than a Turn and was already a weyrling. Surely his lack of knowledge was excusable. "I hadn't thought about before, well, now."

[kayla]

(Um, just a note. I believe your profile says Shi is 9 months, not three. And the youngest dragons are 9 months.)

"You don't entirely get to pick for yourselves, but you do have a vote. In most cases, a graduated weyrling's personality 'fits' in one of the wings. The Wingleader or one of the seconds notice it and the weyrling knows it." She shrugged, "Of course, there may be some behind the scenes politicking that I wouldn't know about."

She smiled warmly to him, "And don't worry about between so much. You won't do that until you're ready. And its really not that bad." Actually, the first time, its probably the scariest thing you can imagine, but he seemed nervous enough. "The main thing is visualize clearly. And the advantages of between definitely make it worth it."

"So how are you adjusting to life in the Weyr?"

[enlightened]

((haha! sorry, mind glip there. I've changed his age a couple times and ... yea it just gets confusing. Thanks))


J'sin nodded thoughtfully. He should start paying attention to wings. The time for him to choose would sneak up on him before he knew it. "Gotta love politics," J'sin groaned. "In the weyr, outside the weyr, is there no end?" He furrowed his brow dramatically then cracked a worried smile. "Be glad you are a girl and not the heir to an estate," he said seriously. Then smiling again, "I'm glad I get a hand in picking a wing. That's at least somewhat comforting."

He listened carefully to what Jenya said about going between. He knew no weyrling was really pushed into it. "nto that bad," he softly repeated after her, reassuring himself. He snapped out of a momentary daze. "Yes, I wouldn't give it up because it does have advantages. And once I am properly trained I can go visit my mother! That will make her feel better." He paused and wrinkled his nose. This was not the subjcted he had wanted to come back to.

"So how are you adjusting to life in the Weyr?"

"Great!" he replied with a shrug and a wide grin. "Being a candidate was interesting ... a lot of work that I wasn't used to." J'sins manly pride wouldn't let Jenya take that the wrong way. "I workd a lot at home, it just wasn't house chores," he explained carefully. "But I liked having a little down time. And I really enjoy the lessons. It'd been awhile." He smiled even wider, "And Shi! That's the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I love taking care of him and having his companionship. Some people ask me if I wish I'd Impressed a bronze, but ya know I never even think about it. I'm so happy with Shi that the idea of someone else, even if it is a bronze, well I'd never accept it."

J'sin stopped to take a breath and suddenly realized how goofy he must sound gushing about a dragon with such a big grin on his face. His cheeks turned light pink as he brought down his smile. "I like it here," he finished quietly.

[enlightened]

((wrapping this up since Im leaving in less than 24 hours *does spastic happy dance*))

J'sin yawned and the desire to sleep hit him like a brick. He knew once Shi woke up there'd be no time to rest - the little guy had endless energy!

"Jenya, I'm glad I ran into you," J'sin said, standing up and offering to shake her hand once more. "I need to get some rest - as you said, weyrlings have a curfew. I need at least a few hours down if I plan on keeping up with Shi tomorrow. Hope you can sleep better now."

He gave a slight nod and trotted out of the weyrhall.