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Post by hrsegrl on Mar 2, 2008 17:05:42 GMT -5
Laszreen knew he ougth to and was glad she hadn't had to say it. "It would be wise. I wouldn't put it past Jenafa to think your too young for the job. You could always remind them how young Jen was to take up Junior Weyrwoman duties, which was as soon as Saharth was two." She added, knowing he had no doubt thought of that.
The young woman caught every change in his face and immediately knew he was envious. Here she thought she was only going to tease him. Now he had insulted her but she decided for the sake of both of their sanity that she wouldn't erupt. He'd like to think that she would be that easy.
"I don't doubt he is desirable." Laszreen said, eyes dark with the seriousness of which she spoke. "But I won't be sleeping with him. Ever." She made that as final as a death sentance. "Besides I like someone else." At that she looked away from him, not wanting him to know that it was him she spoke of. He couldn't know or he would pursue her and how long would she be able to resist?
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Post by brimstone81 on Mar 2, 2008 17:27:40 GMT -5
He listened to Laszreen carefully, she did speak with sense. It was survival of the fittest, if one wasn't ready for the task at hand, there was always a replacement. He needed to fight for himself, incase Jenafa did start getting it into her head to stop him from taking what was his. He nodded to her, "Thanks, Laz, what would I do with out a friend like you?"
She was right, and he needed to act upon it. And he was very thankful she didn't tell him how to act, just told him perhaps why he should. Like a real advisor, not like some one who was trying to control him. She might never realize how much it meant to him; and he wouldn't have it any other way.
Then with some surprize, she denied herself the desire to sleep with him. Laszreen promised (or as he saw it as that) that she would never sleep with A'stin. It was like a great sigh sounded with in him, and he relaxed even more. Good, he wouldn't have to worry about that. He couldn't stand the thought of him, the Weyrleader, taking Laszreen. In reality, he didn't want any man taking her. The thought alone infuriated him and made him jealous. Her little comment about liking some one else made it worse. So she refused him because she she had the hots for some other guy? Or was it afterwards that she liked this scumbag, whoever he was, and now that Laszreen was free she could persue it while J'var had to sit by idley and watch it as a 'friend?!'
He said softly, even suspiciously, getting more forceful with each word moving him on, "Who? It wasn't that one candidate, what is his name? Gah, I can't think of it. But I've seen him, handsome, arrogant as all get up, and young too. Well. I know male candidates, trust me, and you mustn't waste your time on them, they're just itching to get into a girl's skirts. It's not him is it?"
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Post by hrsegrl on Mar 2, 2008 17:43:14 GMT -5
Laszreen really was vain when it came to being smart. She wanted to outwit people, it made her feel better about herself and unfortunately it also made her arrogant. "I don't know. I doubt you could survive..." Her sly smile was back though she was trying not to look at him. She sipped her water in an effort to cool herself down and remain completely unaffected by him.
She didn't know what to say when he began to press her for information on this man that she liked. He would be moritifed if he knew she was talking about him. They couldn't be involved right now. Someday, perhaps but only if he had gained her trust. He was fast becoming her only confidant. She really wished this conversation had not taken this tunr now. Laszreen didn't want to hurt him more than was neccesary.
Hierzet, that flaming dim glow! "No. As if I'd sink as low as that..." Laszreen said, her cold ambition coming out. "You know me well enought to know that nothing less than a Bronzerider would suit me and even then he'd have to be one of the best." She had already said it wasn't A'stin which ought to leave J'var completely baffled for some time. He knew all the other Bronzers and she would let him make his own assumptions.
"Don't be upset." This she had gathered more from how he was looking at her than by what he had said. " I mean you have Jenafa, you are Weyrsecond, what more could you possibly want?" Laszreen tried to point out that there was nothing for him to worry about. He had rank, a beautiful Gold rider and he could buy anything or almost anything, his heart desired. He ought to be happy, happier than she was for sure.
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Post by brimstone81 on Mar 2, 2008 18:05:13 GMT -5
He gave a half smile at her reaction, good it wasn't a randy candidate boy, all of whom, he personally deemed unworthy of her affections. However, perhaps he could compete with a candidate, quite easily, really, but she had just said she wanted the best of the best- but not A'stin. A bronzerider who is at the top, but not him. Had to be successful and handsome and rich. Not the weyrling bronze, whatever his name was. An adult rider who would have shown his success by rank. Who had won the queens before? Kintrath and K'nor, but K'nor was old, he had a son his age, while he was vain and found that icky, would she? So ambitious as she said, he was certainly successful in the past. But then there was B'rek too, also a queen winner, and young and handsome to boot. Oooh. It must be him. Sharding B'rek! But then, he thought, he had a weyrmate. So if he was happy, he wouldn't leave her for Laszreen. If that was the man. There were others. but who would fit the glove? He would personally discourage them if they had ever laid eyes on her.
He was in mid-rage in his mind when Laszreen's calmer voice interrupted to soothe him. He looked at her again, wanting to touch her sweet curls, but did not knowing that was not how friends behaved. And from what she said he should be happy. But why wasn't he? Would being with Laszreen really help things? Or would he just want more. Before her, he had wanted Jenafa, to make her his own, and now he had her and he wanted Laszreen. Maybe he should just go to Jenafa and try to work things out with her, now that he had her. Of course Jenafa had just been a blind desire, something out of reach that he wanted, and he had known Laszreen before his crush on her had started. But no. It was not the time. He could not tell her what would make him happy. He respected her too much to go against her wishes and pursue her. He looked up at her for a moment, hoping that he feelings wouldn't betray him and then looked away again. He answered simply, "I don't know, I just don't know."
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Post by hrsegrl on Mar 2, 2008 18:20:45 GMT -5
There wasn't anything to say while he worked things out in his head she ate food so as to ignore what was going on in his mind. When she heard him sound so defeated, she felt horrible. What had she done? Her inner sigh was not audible but she felt it. She couldn't contradict herself. She just couldn't. Even if she had meant him, she couldn't let him see that.
Laszreen reached over and took his hand. "I didn't mean to upset you." Her face searched his. That she had taken his hand was bold enough a move for now. His hand, which felt perfect in her own. The candidate too had her own ambitions to see through and as much as she might be falling for this Bronzerider, she couldn't drop them to be with him.
"Your going to meet with A'stin and then you'll be too busy to even think about such things." In the meantime she hoped that Saharth would lay a Gold and when she did, Laszreen had every intention of impressing. She knew she could do it and she was not afraid.
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Post by brimstone81 on Mar 2, 2008 18:59:41 GMT -5
She took his hand then, and he was suprized, how it made his stomach backflip and then promptly knot. Her hand felt so nice in his, like it belonged there. He looked up to see her looking into his face. He noticed her eyes, which to him were perfect in every way- shape, color, and lashing. At that moment J'var thought he could get lost in them, but knowing he mustn't. He must be misinterpreting things, because he could swear they had some sort of understanding. But this could not be, she did not like him in that way. He just needed to get that through his thick skull- something that was proving impossible. J'var sort of choked, and very quietly answered, "I'm fine."
He had to break his soft gazing lest she see what he really thought. But once again she was right. Soon after this he was going to talk to A'stin, and he was going to find out once and for all what would be expected of him. He wanted his position badly, and he too was ambitious like Laszreen. He had come so far with out her, and now was he going to give up everything for a girl? A girl who didn't even want him? Surely not. It was mad, but why then, as a simple touch driving his stomach into chaos? He answered more confidently, "I plan to see him soon, but I am sure I will not be so busy that I haven't the time for friends. I'd make time for them if I had to."
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Post by hrsegrl on Mar 2, 2008 19:20:11 GMT -5
She flushed slightly at the way he was looking at her. Of all the people who had to want her it had to be someone she didn't want to hurt. Someone she wanted as well. Unrequited love was easier to handle than this. She didn't want to think of how it would be to feel free to be with whomever she wanted. That was a long time coming at least two turns should she impress and if not maybe longer.
The longer their hands were together the more she wanted to say she liked him. Wretched body! Laszreen nodded. "J'var, we're going to be fine. You are going to be the youngest Weyrsecond that anyone knows of and I'm going to impress the Gold that Saharth will lay." And then when she matured flight would determine nearly everything.
"Good. I wouldn't want us to be distant. Maybe we could meet once a week or something?" Somehow she needed him, as she had never thought she would need anyone to call her back to reality when her ambitions were too out of line.
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Post by brimstone81 on Mar 7, 2008 17:43:53 GMT -5
He caught her flush - how could he miss it?- and for her sake, he took back his hand. He must be making this awkward for her. All she ever wanted to do was be friends, and considering their first meeting he should be thankful . He looked away from her eyes, "Uh, yeah." He half smiled for just a second, "Well I have the young wingsecond part down, now it's up to you to hold up your side of the bargain."
Was there some unspoken bargain? That their love, if it should ever come to bloossom, or even bud, should be sanctified if she rode gold dragon? His part of it was to gain experience catching queens in order to be ready. . . Wretched mind! Why must things already boil down to that? Why was it so hard for him to believe she didn't want him? Probably because she didn't openly loathe him, and her touch and demure looks didn't help matters, either. Perhaps if she did Impress a gold, it would be even harder on him. To know that he could catch her gold, but she would never want him in that way would kill him.
"Yeah, I would like that." He would, not because of his OBVIOUS crush on her, but also she was the only mind he felt he could really confide in. Sure he could talk to his mother, though she had a lot of her own ideas and influenced him more than he would like to admit. There was Janirsa, but she wasn't sympathetic enough, and Larissa would too sympathetic. None of his other friends (all guys, consequently,) weren't much like kindred spirits or anything,
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Post by hrsegrl on Mar 7, 2008 19:31:18 GMT -5
She lifted her head defiantly, "So long as there is a Gold, I will impress to it." Her confidence was bordering on arrogance and rightly so. She knew her own abilities better than most. Laszreen was quick witted and rather good at politics, though one probably wouldn't want her to try to heal anyone. She had plenty of experience delegating tasks and dealing with her family's money. The fact was that she could do the job were she to impress the Gold. She had every reason to believe she would.
J'var let go of her hand, and it left her feeling bereft for some reason. She ought to not think of it at all. This was what had to be, for now. Later on, who knew. "Well, Weyrsecond, when are you available to meet with lowly Candidates?" Her voice was mocking in a way though not over the top. He was after all one of the highest ranked people in the Weyr.
She sipped some more water. Laszreen had noted that all this work had made it easier to drink more water. While she thought of it, she was looking down at the ring. The Candidate really wanted to show it off. Maybe if she said it was a gift and not tell anyone who gave it, then she would be able to show it off. There was one thing she knew, it was being hidden with her other valuables while she had to do chores. No way would she risk losing it. She knew the worth of such things and it was expensive no matter how much J'var had belittled it.
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Post by brimstone81 on Mar 7, 2008 20:46:28 GMT -5
J'var grinned a little to her strong determination. He was like that too right before he stood for hatching. He wanted bronze, and nothing else would do, though he had more of a chance to Impress something else. Was that a good thing for some one so ambitious as he?
"Evenings, probably." He answered her simply, that was the time they both probably had to themselves. During the day he'd be too busy-which reminded himself to talk to A'stin. "I could even have Ionuth to pick you up and bring you to my weyr, if you want."
He meant it as friends, away from scandalous eyes. Though maybe it would have been more suitable for them to be in a public more 'friend' area.' He gave her a goofy wink, "But it is up to you, Lady."
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Post by hrsegrl on Mar 7, 2008 21:08:34 GMT -5
Laszreen thought for a moment about the implications of this offer. It really couldn't hurt her reputation at the Weyr, after all no one need know. He was right in suggesting they meet in private. For one thing she didn't want to be the enemy of the Junior Weyrwoman, for another she didn't want anyone to think there was something going on between her and J'var, especially when they were not doing anything.
"Alright and how shall I know what evening and where Ionuth will be picking me up?" Laszreen wanted to know mostly because she would be looking forward to it. "It would be best to meet where Jen won't see, and where people won't start rumors." She agreed with him which she usually had a hard time doing.
The Candidate wondered momentarily how many friends the Bronzerider had that he would prefer to spend an evening free with her. Probably not many. Laszreen knew what she was good at but she also knew what she wasn't. Relations with other people was certainly not a strength of hers.
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Post by brimstone81 on Mar 7, 2008 21:39:52 GMT -5
"I can have him wait on the northern edge of the lake after practice until dusk, and then I'll go out there and wait for you. If you don't come by the time the sun sets, I'll have figured you aren't coming. Okay?" J'var said after a moment's thought. It seemed as if they were having an affair, but they wouldn't be. Just secret friends, maybe, to make sure no one thinks they were having an affair. How ironic.
He would enjoy his evenings with her, there were so few worth his time in the Weyr. Even his few friends, some were relatives, others were just followers. None of them challenged him. Then he said softly, "If nothing else, maybe my Ionuth can help your dreams come true."
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Post by hrsegrl on Mar 8, 2008 12:23:50 GMT -5
She thought of what could happen were they found to be having secret meetings. Would the Weyrleader and Weyrwomen be upset to have the Wingsecond divulging in a mere Candidate? She hoped not but nonetheless, she didn't want to be found out any time soon.
"Alright." She didn't make promises, what happened if someone forbade her to leave till a chore was completed or she got stuck talking to someone of rank. Personally she hoped Headwoman Janesa never caught wind of this. No doubt she would keep Laszreen under close scrutiny.
There was somethign strange in what he said and she wasn't sure exactly what he had meant by it. When his voice got soft like that she grew concerned. It was like he didnt want to tell her something important. "What do you mean?"
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Post by brimstone81 on Mar 9, 2008 13:47:53 GMT -5
His mother certainly did not need to know of his friendship with a female, a gold candidate at that. It was alright for a straight man to have all the male friends he wanted, but as soon as he befriended a young woman, a pretty one at that, he was sleeping with her. And that meant he was screwing with his chances to catch another gold-even if it was the said gold's choice, not exactly the riders. Janesa would be sooooo mad. And his mother was the link to the traders. Not to mention, who wanted to be on the Headwoman's bad side?
At her question, J'var chuckled, "Well, what if Ionuth fathers a queen? Then you would have a chance to Impress, Lady. And that's what you've dreamed of, isn't it, Laszreen?" He smiled softly to her. J'var only called her Laszreen at certain times, mostly when there was a tenderness to his voice, when he was most admirable of her. However, for other times, he had joked about calling her 'her ladyship', or 'milady' and now 'Lady.' A nickname he was now going to dedicate to her. Or his little Queenie. But Lady fit from the day he met her. Besides, then if he was ever overheard talking to her, no one would immediately know it was Laszreen unless they saw her or recognized her voice.
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Post by hrsegrl on Mar 9, 2008 13:59:54 GMT -5
Laszreen knew he was smart enough not to have them meet somewhere that they would be seen. She would trust that he would also keep their friendship quiet. He explained about the dragon. "Ahh. Well, I had meant... you just sounded a bit wistful. Like the only way you could help me pursue what I want was through Ionuth."
And what did she want? Well to impress a Gold was one thing. It was another to take this life as it was given you and get something completely different than you expected. He might have to go on thinking she couldn't care less about him but she knew that she couldn't lie to herself about it.
"You are right, I do want to impress but thats not all I want." Laszreen stated but couldn't comment further. He was better off thinking she was crushing on some other Bronzer.
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