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Post by thedreamerlady on Jan 6, 2008 18:16:30 GMT -5
Sulia stared down at the message she'd received from the Runner.
It started off simply, and continued that way.
"Dearest Sulia;
My dear sister, you wouldn't believe the good news. Reven and Lesta, Tebessa and Rorrit, Grobit and Anyag, Letta and Entanar and Ressi and Kiycan have all been gifted with boy children. It's especially good since Treven and Lesta's oldest died in the sickness, as well as two of Lorent's and Rena's children, and Grobit's oldest.
We haven't heard of any change in your childless situation. Has their been any change? If their hasn't, our hold has been blessed with a man who can practically make anyone conceive.
Come down and see us, ever since you married that Holder we never hear anything about you. We're having a small Gather in a few months. Come down. Mother would love to see you.
Love,
Rena
She didn't want to go back. Shards, she didn't even want to respond to the letter. If she went down, they'd be shoving their babies in her face, clucking over her obviously non-pregnant body, making her feel ashamed. But what if she didn't go down? Rena wouldn't be above traveling up to Fort and trying to shame her in front of everyone. And if her family found even a trace of a rumor that she'd been less than faithful to Merrek, they'd probably try to annul her marriage themselves. If they didn't try simply because she wasn't having children.
Her eyes teared up. Hadn't they made her feel bad enough already? Did they have to follow her to the world that she had finally made work for her?
She hated them, but she couldn't because they were her family. Sniffling softly, she paid no attention to the passing time, and soon it was far past the time that she should have been doing one of the silly chores the Headwoman had her do.
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Post by kayla on Jan 6, 2008 18:26:25 GMT -5
Merrek had been asked to see a new Runner that was in the process of being trained and was showing some promise. He was heading out to the stable pulling on gloves when he saw that his wife was standing in the courtyard crying. He looked around for a servant, and waved him over.
"Let the head of the stables know that I'm going to be delayed. I may have to look at the Runner tomorrow." He handed the young man a mark and then strode over to his wife. He was not concerned that she was skipping out on her duties at the moment, since it was clear that something was distressing her.
He pulled her into his arms when he reached her and held her closely, stroking her hair. "'Lia, darling, what's wrong?" He gently tilted her chin so that she looked up at him and a gloved thumb gently wiped away a tear which had traced down her cheek. "What has got my Gem so upset?"
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Post by thedreamerlady on Jan 6, 2008 18:56:14 GMT -5
Sulia really didn't want Merrek to find her like this. She didn't feel like his gem now, shards, she hardly felt like his wife.
Usually had Merrek come up and offered her support, she would have leaned right into him, and cuddled. But not today. She didn't trust her voice, and so she merely shoved the hide into Merrek's chest, pushing him away, and trying to get her tears under control.
Breathing deeply, she pushed her feelings down, away from herself. She didn't need this, she was different than she was, and they couldn't touch her. She didn't really believe it, but at least she stopped crying.
"I should go. Headwoman Ariashi is probably looking for me." She said softly, tugging at her gray and green work dress, and tugging a lock of hair back into place. She attempted to stand, but her cramped legs didn't let her move.
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Post by kayla on Jan 6, 2008 19:13:41 GMT -5
"Not yet, 'Lia. I know I've pushed you some, and you have blossomed, but don't worry about that right now." He was proud of his wife. He knew she didn't like the chores and duties of a Lady - at least the less glamorous ones - but she had become so much more mature and understanding of his work. And he had also worked hard to make sure he had plenty of time to devote to his wife.
He read the missive and actually growled, his jaw clenching and his other hand forming a fist. If the writer of this letter had not been a woman, it would have been answered with a challenge to a duel. NO ONE was allowed to insult his Lady wife, and then to make it worse by suggesting she have an affair.
"'Lia, don't you let this.... mess of ignorance get to you." He had seen her try unsuccessfully to get up, so he pushed his rage aside and scooped her into his arms. "I'll let Ari know that I'm kidnapping you today. I know, I understand," well as much as a man could! "how this must have made you felt. But we need to talk. In private."
He kissed her forehead, "You know that I love you, and that there is nothing, NOTHING, that could make me love you any less or make you any less my wife." If he could accept that his wife would remain childless, why did anyone else care? He had heirs. And while he would love to have a child with Sulia, it was not a crisis that they hadn't.
Though as he looked at his wife, he began to wonder if it wasn't a bit of a personal crisis.
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Post by thedreamerlady on Jan 6, 2008 19:32:46 GMT -5
Sulia stiffened as Merrek pulled her into his lap. She gave up her little struggle quickly, and burrowed into him, feeling his masculine warmth chase away the chill her older sister's words had placed in her.
The tears started falling again as Merrek professed his love for her. He was wrong, he just didn't know it yet. She wasn't lovable, and everything she'd done always ended up wrong.
"Merrek, you don't understand. I have to see them eventually, they're family." But, she added silently, unable to explain aloud to her somewhat progressive husband, she was less of a woman and made him look less of a man by having no children. And until she could deal with that without crying, they had power over her.
"And it's not fair to you that I can't have children." She drew in a shaky breath. "I should do the noble thing, but I don't want to, and if I don't go to see them, they'll come to see me."
She kissed his neck, not wanting to move. "They'd want me to leave you."
Her voice was simple, and distant. It was what her family would say, and she knew it.
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Post by kayla on Jan 6, 2008 19:44:04 GMT -5
Merrek listened to her and then stood with her in his arms. He saw another servant and waved him over, "Tell Ariashi that Lady Sulia will be taking the day off at the order of myself." Again, a portion of a mark was given to the, this time, girl. He liked to show appreciation to the drudges when they were doing chores outside of their regular duties.
Having taken care of that, he carried Sulia inside and to their bedroom. Once they were there he set her on the bed and then moved behind her to hold her. "Sulia, I have children. I have an heir. I do not need more children." One issue at a time. He'd deal with her family later.
He sighed softly, "I would love if we were to have a child, but I do not think any less of you because we don't. Fort does not need for you to provide me with an heir. So its silly to consider leaving me over this as anything resembling noble. Maybe if I was a young lord with no children and needed an heir, then yes. But I'm not, Sulia."
He gently shifted her so that he could look into her face, "But it seems obvious that you want a baby."
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Post by thedreamerlady on Jan 6, 2008 20:02:50 GMT -5
She looked at him, brown eyes looking slightly glazed. She felt muzzy, like the time when she was sixteen and had drunken far to much wine.
"Children love you." She said suddenly, several minutes after Merrek had last spoken. "Your children love you, but they don't like me. And, I know I'd be a horrible mother. But it's like when you first started having me work with Headwoman Ariashi- I wasn't doing my duty as your wife, and I'm still not. Jazira's twice my age, and still having children, and Leshya just had her first, and all of my sisters are having children- male children, and I'm not. I'm not suited to being a wife."
Yonne had told her that she would have been ideally suited to be a mistress, and Sulia had a feeling that Yonne had been right- not that she wanted to tell Merrek that he'd hardly been her first, and that she'd been planing on becoming a rich man's mistress.
“My family is just more open about saying what they think. Leaving you so that you could have a fertile wife would made you look virile, whereas I make you look old, despite that it’s my fault for being barren.”
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Post by kayla on Jan 6, 2008 20:14:01 GMT -5
"You were never not doing your duty as my wife, Sulia. And I feel bad that that's how you understood that. It was your duty as Lady of Fort I was concerned about." A fine difference, and one she might not fully understand, but one still as far as he was concerned. "You are a wonderful wife and I love you."
He leaned in and kissed her, "Does it really matter what other people think? Even if people think I'm old, I have made it clear that I am still competent and more than capable of running the premier Hold on Pern. I have heirs. I can still fence with the best. I ride. If people really want to get stuck on us not having additional children, that's their issue."
Merrek smiled slightly, "If you want, I'll knock up some young thing and prove to everyone I still can and then come back to you." He was clearly joking. Merrek could never seriously considering cheating on his wife, but he hoped the ridiculous offer would let her see that those who were making this an issue and hurting her were being just as ridiculous.
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Post by thedreamerlady on Jan 6, 2008 20:29:50 GMT -5
Sulia relaxed slightly. Repetition at least proved that Merrek believed it. And if he believed it, then she couldn't leave him- and she could even tell her family she had tried.
"Okay, but when I go to see my family, don't let me stay too long. I don't put it past them to force me to leave you." It was fairly obvious Sulia was not joking. She really didn't trust her family, especially since they weren't getting anything out of Sulia being Lady Holder of Fort.
Not even fostering.
And at Merrek's suggestion, Sulia's eyes grew wide, and her mouth dropped open. But the words that came out of her mouth were fairly surprising.
"Merrek- that's brilliant! Quen's wife Deanna would be ideal if you didn't want to have to claim the child as your own. Or you could use Anthelle's maid Chenda- the girl's had three children already, all from different fathers, but Anthelle won't let her leave to get married."
About to start gossiping about the rumors surrounding those to ladies, Sulia shook the urge off.
"But you're right. It would be the perfect thing to do." Her smile was wide, and again, it was very obvious she wasn't joking. "Getting a woman pregnant would make everyone know it's my problem, and would solve everything."
She leaned over and kissed him on the jaw. "I love you."
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Post by kayla on Jan 6, 2008 20:35:48 GMT -5
Merrek's jaw dropped. "Sulia, I was kidding. I... I was trying to show you that this is ridiculous. Not how you feel, but how these people are making such a big deal over it to make you feel bad." He pulled her to him and sighed.
"Love, I couldn't do that to you. I took vows. I made a promise to be faithful to you. And I know, I know that there are plenty of lords who don't find themselves to be bound by those words, but I do. I love you, 'Lia. I can't go have sex with another woman."
He was completely and totally confused. If his words had been misinterpreted, he would have expected her to get angry, and to have to reassure her that he had been joking. Instead, she thought it was a good idea. As he held her, he ran one hand through his hair and sighed. He did not understand women at all!
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Post by thedreamerlady on Jan 6, 2008 21:08:21 GMT -5
Sulia stared at him, and shook her head.
"That is stupid Merrek." She shook her head reprovingly. "Most men have a mistress or two over the years, and that wouldn't hurt your image at all. It's not like I'd mind- not as long as you loved me better."
Her smile lit up her face.
"But if you really don't want to, don't say I didn't try." She stood suddenly. "Let's go riding! We have to discuss my trip to Nerat, and I want to see some land that doesn't contain fish until then."
Leaning forward, she gave Merrek a lingering kiss on the lips, just to show her appreciation for loving her throughout her little fit of inadequacy. He was a good man her husband. A little bit silly, but a good man.
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Post by kayla on Jan 6, 2008 21:19:42 GMT -5
Merrek allowed his wife to completely change the tone, though there was something about her being so cavalier about him having an affair that disturbed him. If he was that cavalier about him cheating on her, how did she feel about cheating on him? Though she'd done nothing in a very long time to give her any concern about that. So for now he ignored that and returned the kiss.
He smiled, "I think I can make sure that we go nowhere near anywhere with fish." He stood and offered her his arm, "And if you want, maybe I can see about taking some time off and coming with you to Nerat? I'd love to see them try to threaten you with me there."
done?
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