Everybody Hurts (open)

[brimstone81]

L'sander sat at a table by himself. It was evening time, after supper, and there was a table nearby of rowdy young riders, mostly blue and greenriders. They were drinking, and each young man had his arm around a girl or two, laughing and joking the night away. He wasn't apart of the group, but rather just stared, gripping his mug but not really drinking. He was not drunk, but he had two mugs already. The bronzerider wasn't sulking over the loss of Adeloth's flight, no, he hadn't even attempted that flight. He wasn't sure he could win against the older bronzes who had more experience. And he wasn't sure he'd be a good Weyrleader this young. Not that he thought he would have Obie fly after Sheluth, either. Sheluth had killed, no murdered, his Renalda. See, L'sander was the type to become deeply attatched, to person, thing or idea, and he was the kind to throw his whole heart into it. Now with his dreams slashed, quite literally, he just didn't have the heart he used to. Not that he wouldn't mind some one to take his mind off of it, to distract him. He didn't want the pain of loosing his first true love, it had been 8 months, and he was prepared to move on. He thought. Though he wasn't sure about the flight. She was a new queen, and there was a lot of competition anyway for new queens. . .

There is a lot of competition for any queen, Ridermine. Replied Oberonth, who wanted to compete for a queen, and wasn't happy L'sander expressed wishes against Adeloth. L'sander was just sure he wasn't ready for that much responsibility. Him a Weyrleader at twenty two? No way.

He looked at a lower cavrens girl, he thought one of the rider called her Emmy, when she came to refill his mug. She smiled at him, and giggled a little. She was cute enough, but he was fairly certain she didn't suit him. He sighed, looking into the murky depths as she walked away. A bluerider clasped her shoulders and welcomed her back to their happy little group.

[kayla]

Neory couldn't sleep. She knew that she needed to. Her days were full and busy and being tired was not acceptable. But she simply could not sleep. It might have been because of Adeloth's recent flight and the fact that made avoiding thought about Sheluth's flight almost impossible. Might have been... definitely was... same difference.

She didn't dread it. And she had been glad that the flight would keep the new relationship between Elisha and V'rak intact. But that had meant that, probably, for the foreseeable future the rest of the Bronze dragons, or many of them, might have an itch that a Green just couldn't quite scratch. After all, physically, a Green might be as much enjoyment, especially if there was a connection between the Riders, but there was pride that went with saying your dragon flew a Queen, and prestige even if it wasn't a leadership flight.

And that was what kept her up. Slight fear of being objectified warred with the huge feeling of responsibility in something she wasn't sure how much she'd control. And even some wonder of whether she'd be "stuck" with the Rider or if she'd possibly want to be with the Rider or if ... the ifs went on and on and on.

And so it was that she had given up on going to bed early - since this was not the first she'd had a problem sleeping. She had changed back into her clothes - though something comfortable, slightly baggy - and wandered out of the barracks, after making sure that Sheluth was well asleep. She found herself in the hall and moved to see if there were any more bublly pies and get some juice, knowing that klah would not be helpful at this point.

As she saw that there weren't any, which was a disappointment to her, she also noticed the man sitting by himself. After a moment she realized he was Renalda's weyrmate. She took a deep breath, got her juice, and moved over towards him. "Hi. Mind if I join you?" She half expected him to lash out at her, but she needed to express her sympathy, without apologizing for Sheluth.

[brimstone81]

L'sander looked up and saw Neory, the girl who Impressed where Renalda did not. He full well understood it was a natural order, and was told many times that it wasn't anybody's fault she was killed, but sometimes it helped to think that there might be blame. He bit his lip, knowing he could not snub a queenrider, and motioned her to sit across from her. He would be on his guard, but maybe she was nice, it was possible, he never really knew the queenriders Elisha or Marisol. He couldn't be rude to her, even though his heart ached to see her sitting there alive and well.

He swallowed his pain and nodded, with a half smile, "Hello," Neory. Oberonth coached. I know her name! "-Neory. How are you tonight?" He almost wished her unwell, but then mentally scolded himself for thinking such a thing. There was a reason this girl was chosen and not his sweet Renalda. He decided then he wished to know Neory, to find out why she was chosen by Sheluth. He was slightly curious about it. He took a drink of the sweet wine, he wasn't a quick drinker. His thoughts were irrupted by a loud peal of laughter from the party not so far away. He blinked and then smiled politely, "Would you like something to drink at all? It's too late fore klah, and I'm not sure what's available this time of night. That group over there seems to like to share their drink with me. Oh, I see you have something."

[kayla]

She was tired, and so her first impulse was to answer his question - and then she remembered that he was both a Bronzer and someone she didn't know. So she settled for the vague, "I'm ok," as she sat down. She smiled warmly to him, but before she could say what it was that she had come over to say he had asked about getting her a drink. "Yeah, well, we're not really encouraged to drink alcohol until after we graduate. And," She shrugged, "Not a rule I particularly feel a need to break."

She took a deep breath and looked into her juice for a moment. She had to be careful how she worded this. She wanted to express her sincere sympathy, but she felt it would be wrong to apologize for the actions of Sheluth newly hatched. She had known Renalda, and even been friends with her. She probably should have expressed her sympathy to L'sander earlier - but she knew it would be awkward, and she didn't really know him.

"Um... I guess I should have said this earlier." She looked up from her drink and to him. "I want you to know that I'm sorry for your loss. Renalda was a good person, actually a friend of mine. I know you must hate me, but..." She took another deep breath, "I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

[brimstone81]

L'sander nodded, "Ah yes, I'm not that far out of weyrlinghood. I guess I forgot about that. Don't worry, you're not missing anything." Wine wasn't that good, he never really had it until recently. He was no connessuir at wines, and this one left a bitter taste, though there were plenty of people who liked it. He could do with out, but one rider told him it might help him with his grief. He just kind of took the silence to think a little bit about how stupid that sounded.

She started to talk, and even with her first sentance Neory had his full attentions. He would have never expected it, never even from a proud ranker. He knew rankers, and he knew every single one of them were proud, even himself, so why would Neory be any different. Yet here the girl was, apologising. He chewed on her words for a moment and didn't dare look at her. When he sorted out his thoughts he looked up at her face, and said calmly, "I don't hate you, nor do I really resent you. It's not your fault. I can't explain what happened, but she's gone, and I cannot get her back. However, I appreciate you apologies although you don't need too." It did make him feel a little better, though now perhaps he was more guilty that he wanted her to say it. But she didn't need to.

[kayla]

Neory did not lack pride at all, but she did not see expressing sympathy as an issue of pride. She had not meant at all to imply that she was taking responsibility for the young woman's death, nor was she apologizing for Sheluth.

She smiled to him, "I know its not my fault. But she was a good person, and I wanted to express my sympathy. I probably should have sooner, but as I'm sure you remember from your own time as a weyrling we're kept pretty busy. I also wasn't sure you'd really want to hear any sentiments from me."

"I realize I don't know you, but I did know Renalda. Forgive me if I'm prying." Something her brother claimed she was excellent at. Of course, as she thought about the fact that she would have a large role and responsibility in the health of the weyr soon enough, she was no longer sure that her brother's complaint was such a bad thing. "I know there's no time limit on grief or moment when all the sudden you're supposed to just be better. But I'm pretty sure Renalda would want you to continue living your life. I'm not saying stop mourning her, just make sure that you don't stop moving forward."

She grinned a bit, "Of course tonight's sitting by yourself and morosely watching others have fun could be an anomaly, so maybe you haven't stopped. But if you have, remember that Renalda loved you and would want you to be happy."

[brimstone81]

L'sander smiled a bit and nodded, he sort of missed his Weyrling days, but then again he rather enjoyed his freedoms as his adult riders. He could do almost anything he liked within the Weyr, of course short of theiving and murder. But he could drink as he liked, sleep with whom he liked, just as long as it didn't interfere with his wing practice. Not that he had slept with anyone since Ren died. He couldn't bring himself to it. And with her next words he realized he had jumped to conclusions, she was just being sympathetic. He had heard a lot of it after Renalda died, and it didn't much help, though he found it was easier to hear now than a day after she was gone. "Yeah, I know. She was wonderful to me. But thanks, it's nice of you to care."

Oh, he knew, his friends told him to move on, but it just didn't seem right. He knew he'd have to move on sometime. He even knew that he might find some one else. He just reflected on her even more, and he was ready to switch the conversation after she said her peice. He was actually flattered she cared enough to say anything to him at all. She was brave, after all, he could take this all the wrong way and stomp off and say something ridiculous. Yet L'sander knew Neory had nothing to do with it, and he couldn't be mad at her. There are few things that would make him hold a grudge, this was not one of them. He said sheepishly, staring off directed at the table, "Yeah, I know she would've. She. . ."

L'sander looked up with a playful smile, "How is your Sheluth? Must be growing fast. I remember when my Oberonth was at her age. Oiling took more time by the day it seemed! Those were the days. I bet you like learning? I did, I suppose I was just excited to be a dragonrider, a bronzerider at that. It was a lot of responsibility to live up to, but I think I managed in those days."

[jerith]

You are not sleeping. This is not normal for you Gliath was surprised to find his rider wide awake.

Tell me about it J'ren was tired of laying there staring at the ceiling. He'd been trying to sleep for awhile, and having done everything he thought possible he climbed out of bed and pulled on a shirt and put his feet into fur slippers to keep them warm. He grabbed a scroll he had been reading earlier and decided to go to down to the hall. He stopped off in the kitchen for a cup of wine and went to settle himself down on one of the benches to read. You are not alone J'ren looked up and realized others were there.

Neory he recognized. She is the rider of Gold Sheluth I know. He had taken particular notice of her from the day she had Impressed. I notice Sheluth also J'ren wondered if Gliath was taking the same notice of her dragon that he had of her rider.

The other, he knew that he was a bronzer, not from Triveni wing though.He is L'sander of Bronze Oberonth. A member of Zahara Wing
Thanks Gliath He decided that he should at least greet them

"Guess I am not the only one who couldn't sleep" he said, from his spot about halfway down the same table as them.

[kayla]

Neory couldn't help but chuckle once he started after his smile turned playful. It was a sudden, unexpected change, but she felt better once he changed to a more enjoyable topic. It was good to see him go from inefficiently trying to drown his sorrow in sipping wine from excited talk about dragons.

"It does take more time every day! How is it possible for her to grow that much in one day!" She grinned at him. "And some of the learning yes. I have to say, some of the observation sessions with Weyrwoman Elisha aren't particularly exciting. Though some are enjoyable." The more "boring" tame sessions with Elisha and V'rak were much more enjoyable then the constant argument sessiosn with the headwoman and Elisha. At least with Elisha and V'rak the soon to be Junior was able to tease them. She felt comfortable around them both now and was glad to see them happy.

When J'ren walked up she smiled to him. "Hi. Yeah, was trying to go to bed early to catch on sleep, but it didn't work." She shrugged. It was pretty amazing that she wasn't asleep on her feet considering all the work they kept her doing and the lack of sleep from the past couple of nights.

Neory tried to ignore the nervousness that stemmed from being in the presence of two riders of Adult Bronzes. At least neither was trying to flirt with her at the moment.

[brimstone81]

He smiled, now talking about his first passion, dragons. Before he had found the cute young candidate he had the love of dragons to spur him on. He could talk about Oberonth all day, and he liked to hear about other people's dragons. L'sander laughed a little, "And just think, she'll probably out grow all of the bronzes at Telgar! You'll have a harder time of it than I do when she's full grown! Not that it isn't worth it. Good thing these beasts, and I say that affectionately, have a mouth to boss you around. Oberonth is particularly vocal." I do not complain out of vanity. I need it! Oberonth retorted quickly to His. L'sander half smiled, but did not slow the conversation to answer or explain. "Ah, yes, for a holdbred boy, learning was a luxury, fortunately I took advantage of my father's journeymanhood to learn to read and write as a boy, and was given an apprenticeship. Yet at the Weyr, learning was different, but learning about dragons couldn't compare to learning about wherries. I guess learning the ins and outs of running the domestic half of the Weyr could be boring. I suppose though, you will get to learn about politics of Pern, that should be intersesting." And he meant it. He was always interested in politics, for it might have been the only way to raise his station. Now as a bronzerider, he got a huge help up. But if he wanted to get any higher, he'd have to use politics, or gain the heart of a senior goldrider. Something he was not going to intentionally do at this time. As if Elisha would ever look at a man-boy such as L'sander.

Another bronzerider around their ages walked up then. J'ren of Gliath. Oberonth said, his mind voice edged with, was it jealousy? L'sander nodded at the bronzerider with a half smile in greeting, "Hello there." He didn't know the guy, really, though he seemed friendly. Maybe Oberonth was on to something, bronzes were attracted to the queens, and so naturally bronzeriders were attracted to the queenriders. If his Renalda had Impressed, you could bet that he'd keep a close eye on her. Well, Neory needn't worry about him all of a sudden trying to compete for her. L'sander was having more fun with her just talking about dragons to mess up a potential friendship this night before it even had time to blossom. Not to mention he wasn't sure if his heart was ready yet, and he wasn't in the mood to using for political gain. He didn't exactly notice her nervousness.

[jerith]

J'ren usually chose not to be social. He wasn't interested in gossip, and had little desire to be idle. He wanted to be seen of as worthy as a bronze rider.
It is my right alone to say you are worthy, you were when I chose you as you are now
He knew that, of course, Gliath was always telling him so. Still it was a desire to be doing something useful. Constant drilling, prepping, but no actual fighting of Thread. Yes, that was what he needed, to fill the purpose of a dragon and rider.

He started to read his scroll again, but gave up and moved down to join the others, sitting about a person and a half width from Neory. He thought it best not to crowd in. "You'd think so, all the work we have been doing. But sometimes your mind wants to continue working even when your body wants to rest. Would you mind if I join you two?"

[brimstone81]

"I don't mind at all," L'sander said politely, however automated, he nodded to the queenrider, "What say you, Goldrider?" She outranked him, but he also didn't want to disinclude her, for she was just as much apart of the conversation as he. L'sander glanced at Neory with a mischievious look, "And how are you faring in your Weyrling lessons? Has the old Master started to teach flying yet?"

Oh, flying was L'sander's favorite. He had gotten himself and his dragon in quite a load of trouble because he wanted to have an advantage over his clutch mates. He was the highest ranker in the clutch, he didn't want any one else to show him up or scoff at him if he and Oberonth were clumsy. So naturally, they tried to practice by themselves. Of course, this was a difficult task, seeing as the weyrlings, especially a bronze one, were kept an eye on. He had staked himself around the bowl for days looking for the times it was least busy and they were not to be noticed too much. Two injuries and the worst scolding of his life, Oberonth was left with two silvery scars, and the pair had learned a lesson they would never forget. Not that L'sander completely regretted it, it was a story to tell, and he had learned something; however he would not ever be encouraging to a weyrling to follow in his footsteps.

[kayla]

Neory smiled warmly, "Not at all. Please, do join us." Both were being nice without being flirtatious, so the young Gold Rider relaxed again. Her big brother had, apparently, been right. She tried not to laugh at the thought of him gloating over him finally being the one who is right rather than her for once. She was pretty sure that Amneris had also told her not to stress too much over befriending Bronzers.

"Well, the dragons have started flying, actually, been flying for a bit now. But they're not strong enough for us to fly with them yet. I have to admit, its hard to watch Sheluth flying and not be able to be with her." She grinned slightly wistfully at that.

"She wasn't the quickest to catch on. The smaller dragonets - blues and greens - are more graceful and smaller and lighter. But she wasn't too far behind them, and is very much aware that she has other strengths. The moping only lasted a couple of days." She giggled. Fortunately, Sheluth was asleep and there was no verbal protest.

[brimstone81]

"Oh don't worry," He smiled reassuringly, "You'll have plenty of turns to fly upon her back. It will be glorious, to be sure. Every one will have their eyes on you, naturally, but I'm sure Sheluth will preform wonderfully. Queens often grow out of their clumsiness, even if they aren't ever as quick and acrobatic as greens." He laughed at what she said, "Yes, it is best to remember we can't be stong in everything even though we'd like to. I know how it is, to have a mopey dragon. I am glad to hear that your gold is doing well."

He thought for a moment and said casually, "Have you ever noticed that since impressing a ranking dragon that people treat you differently, as if overnight? I might be a simple holdbred boy, but that was one thing that I thought about a lot. Some people who didn't even bother looking at me as a candidate now saw me with different eyes. I expect it's even stronger for you, or would be even more for me if I ever became a Wingleader. Even V'rak must feel it as Weyrleader. It's strange, how people judge others." He looked down and smiled sheepishly, "I'm sorry, that was random. Just something I have been thinking about all of a sudden."

[kayla]

Neory had to laugh. She simply could not resist. It was as if he had read her mind. "It kind of depends on who it is as to whether or not its so bad though, you know. I mean, I guess it would be nice if a drudge got the same kind of respect that a Gold Rider got, but I'm not really surprised that it doesn't work that way."

However, some of the attention - like from D'leon - was not entirely all pleasant. Though Neory still thought that there was something there, a reason behind his bullying. She just wasn't particularly sure that that should be her own burden.

"And there is one person in this weyr who works hard to keep me honest and from getting too big of a head. It happens that my big brother rides Brown - K'dyn of Ortath. He's a good big brother for all he'd protest that he's not." She grinned, "But he doesn't treat me any different at all. To him I'm still the slightly annoying bratty little sister that he adores even if he won't admit it."